The Hardy Boys and the Cullen Caper
by Flightgirl
Summary: Wary of Edward, Charlie hires the Hardy Boys, who are the sons of his friend Fenton, to investigate into his daughter's boyfriend's past. But the more they dig, the more questions come up, and the more crazy they think they're going. T for craziness
1. A New Case

**This is something I came up with a few days ago. I thought: Hey, what would happen if the Hardy Boys (Frank and Joe) were hired by Charlie to investigate the Cullens? I thought it might be funny. Still working on it, but I think you guys'll enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the Hardy Boys**

**Charlie's POV**

So I found out Edward and Bella, my daughter, have been sleeping together for quite some time. I walked in on them one night when I left my cell phone in her room accidentally and found them under the covers together. They both swear up and down that they've never done anything, that they only slept, but as a father, I of course didn't believe them. I know I don't have the right to step in, where Bella was already eighteen and old enough to make her own decisions. But, once again being her father, I felt I had to look into Edward Cullen. You know, just to make sure he wasn't a part of the mob or anything that would put my daughter in danger. How I could do that was the only problem. Yeah, I was a police officer and I had my connections, but hiring a privet investigator wouldn't have been very subtle. That's when I got the call from my good friend Fenton Hardy…

Chapter 1

With our Father's friend

**Frank's POV**

"Thanks for letting us come over, Charlie," my brother Joe said through a mouthful of roast beef.

"Any time, boys," Charlie replied with a smile. "You know I enjoy your company, and I don't mind giving your aunt Gertrude the week off of keeping you two out of trouble. I agree with her that your gallivanting and running off into dangerous situations to solve mysteries is a bit—"

"Stupid?" Joe interrupted. "Yeah, she says that all the time. But that's why Dad wanted us to take the week off. We almost didn't make it out of our last assignment."

"That tends to happen when we get involved with murderous thieves," I said.

"I don't see why you chase after mysteries so much in the first place," Bella, who had been relatively quiet since our arrival, said.

Joe shrugged. "It's something we're good at. Some teenagers are good at welding, some at fixing cars. Us, we're good at catching the bad guy. It's what we do." He grinned broadly.

There he goes again, bragging about our past and how good always triumphs over evil. But I admit that he had a point. There has never been a mystery out there that we've come across that we couldn't solve. We _were _pretty good.

Joe moved his chair a bit closer to Bella's and I rolled my eyes. Joe was the kind of guy who made a move on just about every girl he met, even if it was our father's best friend's daughter.

It was kind of strange, really. See, he had a girlfriend named Iola, who was our best friend's sister, but she was killed in a car bomb that was meant for us. Sometimes, Joe would still mope about her and be mad at the world for what happened, but at times like this, he seemed to forget her very existence. I really couldn't understand him.

"So, do you boys have any plans for your week in Forks?" Charlie asked.

"Not really," I said. "We'll probably mostly just chillax for the whole seven days. Watch TV. Play X-Box. I mean, what else is there to do?"

"Baseball?" Bella suggested with a snicker. I didn't get what was worth snickering about. Baseball might actually be a good idea.

"You playing on my team?" Joe asked, placing a hand around Bella's shoulder.

She sighed in disgust. "You never change, Joe Hardy."

"The chicks dig that in a guy," my obnoxious little brother said.

"If you don't take your hand off of me in the next five seconds, I'm going to hit you," Bella warned.

"Oh, come on Bella baby. Don't be like tha—"

Before Joe could finish his word, Bella hauled off and punched him square in the nose. Joe's chair toppled backward and he landed on the carpeted floor with a dull _thud_. Now it was my turn to snicker.

Charlie wasn't as light-spirited. He stood angrily from his chair. "Isabella Marie Swann!" he said.

"I gave him fair warning," Bella said calmly. She stood. "I'm going to my room." With that, she turned and left the dining room, tripping over a baffled Joe sitting on the floor beside her vacant chair.

Charlie rushed over and helped Joe up. "Are you alright?" he asked anxiously. "You're not hurt, are you?"

"Only his pride," I muttered.

Joe stood with Charlie' help and watched after Bella in amazement. "What a woman!"

Charlie looked at him strangely, then at me for some sort of assurance. "He's fine," I said. "He's just being Joe."

Charlie returned to his chair and Joe fixed his then took a seat. We sat for a moment in silence.

"How would you boys like to do some digging around for me?" Charlie asked suddenly.

Joe and I looked at each other. Had he just asked us to take on a mystery?

"Yeah!" Joe said excitedly, throwing his fist into the air.

"What kind of digging?" I asked rationally, making sure that it would be okay to do. "We promised Dad that we wouldn't get into anything dangerous during the week."

"I just need you guys to look into a certain someone in my daughter's life," Charlie explained. "I want to make sure that she's in a good relationship."

"You mean she's already taken?" Joe asked, obviously disappointed.

I wasn't concerned about that tidbit of information. I, being the smarter, more mature one, looked directly at Charlie and asked, "You're butting into your daughter's love-life? Isn't that a bit intrusive?"

Charlie looked embarrassed. "I just don't want her to make any irrational decisions. She may be eighteen, but she's still a child."

"Hey!" Joe said defensively. "I'm eighteen. I'm not a child. I'm a man!"

Charlie just looked at him, as did I. It was true that Joe had finally reached his eighteenth birthday two weeks ago, and I had turned nineteen three months ago, but his maturity level hadn't exactly developed into that of an eighteen year old. He still had a _lllooonnnggg _way to go.

"Thing is," Charlie continued, "I think that Edward Cullen is hiding something; something that might be dangerous to Bella." He leaned across the table and lowered his voice to a whisper. "I have suspicions that he either embezzles money, or is part of the Russian Mob. Or both."

I stared at him blankly. "The Russian Mob."

"Yup."

"You do realize that is a very unlikely suspicion."

Charlie sighed. "Okay, so I don't really think he's part of a mob. But I am serious in thinking that he is hiding something dangerous. I feel it in my gut."

"I don't know…" I looked at Joe, who was doing a very bad job at giving me puppy-dog eyes. Joe's puppy-dog eyes were torture to look at. I sighed. "Fine. We'll see what we can do."

"_Yessss_!" Joe said excitedly. "We're gonna solve a mystery! We're gonna solve a mystery!"

I really hoped this wasn't going to get us into any dangerous predicaments.


	2. Peeping Toms

Chapter 2

Peeping Toms

**Joe's POV**

"All set," Frank said when he finished hooking up the last wire. He turned it on, and a picture of Bella's room appeared on the screen.

Charlie gave Frank an impressed look as I stared at the screen, amazed and a bit shocked by what you could actually do with technology. I mean sure, cameras have been around for years, but they become more and more invisible with every new outbreak in technology. This camera, for example, had been installed by my dark-haired genius of an older brother on Bella's doorknob, and it looked like just a small black speck on the dull golden colour of it. It gave us a full view of the room while it remained hidden.

The door to Bella's room opened and closed, and Bella's slim, perfect figure came into view. Her hair dripped droplets of water down her back and onto the towel that was wrapped around her, and I smiled. This was what spying was all about: the babes.

Just when it started getting good, Frank flicked the switch and turned the screen off.

"Aww, Frank. What did you do that for?" I asked disappointedly.

He ignored me. "We'll turn it back on once we're sure she's in bed," he said.

"Why can't we turn it on now?" I asked while reaching for the switch.

Charlie's hand grabbed my wrist and he glared at me. "You _will _respect my daughter's privacy." It was more of a warning that a suggestion.

I pulled my hand away. "You're the one who wanted cameras set up in her room," I muttered.

Okay, so I was kind of immature and stupid and obsessed with women. But what eighteen-year-old isn't? Well, I guess the normal ones. What can I say? Bella was cute.

"You know why the camera is necessary," Charlie said. "I need to find out what really goes on between those two."

"And that's better than seeing her in a towel?"

"That's not what I mean," he corrected. "I want to find out how Edward manages to get in without waking me. If he's breaking in, then that is reason enough to keep him away from my daughter."

"That's a boring reason to watch Bella," I said. "Normally, if we wanted to see if someone was going to break in, Frank and I would have a stake-out wherever it was that was allegedly being broken into."

"This isn't one of our mystery missions," Frank butted in. "We can't just wait in Bella's room for this Edward Cullen to come knocking at the window. We're in somebody's home, not a warehouse."

I crossed my arms. "I miss those days."

Frank blinked at me. "Those days were _yesterday_, Joe."

I frowned at my brother's cleverness. Sometimes, I wished he wouldn't be himself for two seconds.

After a few minutes, Bella came into the kitchen wearing her pink-striped pyjamas. "I'm going to bed early, dad," she said. "Goodnight guys."

"`Night," we all said at once, as casually as we could. She gave us a funny look and left.

"Turn the camera on!" Charlie ordered Frank.

Frank flicked the switch and Bella's room came back on the screen. Bella was just finishing climbing into bed, then she turned out the light. The room began to glow green through the camera as the night-vision feature kicked in.

Then the boring part came: we waited. And waited. And watched, and waited some more. Frank and Charlie looked like freaky robot drones; the way they stared at the screen like it was the most important thing in the world.

Bella seemed to go to sleep immediately. The most exciting thing that happened before the room grew still was when she made a two second phone call, most likely to say good night to her billionaire boyfriend. Why would she be attracted to a guy like him, anyways? What did he have that I didn't? Well, besides money and a life.

Everything stayed pretty much uneventful and boring until exactly twelve o'clock, when a movement at Bella's window sent Frank and Charlie into a frenzy. I looked over Frank's shoulder to see what all the excitement was about and saw a pale figure with dark hair climbing through the window and into Bella's room.

"That's Edward, all right," Charlie confirmed. "And I don't remember him knocking on the door to ask permission to enter."

"What do you want to do?" Frank asked him.

"I say we catch him in the act," he replied. "Let's go, boys."

He and Frank stood up at the same moment and took off for Bella's room. I followed close behind, kind of excited that we were about to catch someone, even if he wasn't a terrorist. It wasn't much of a mystery, but it would do for now.

Charlie reached the room first and threw the door open. "Aha!" he yelled upon entry. "You couldn't hide it from me, Edward Cullen! I knew you were breaking into my house to be with my daughter, and I won't stand for it!"

Bella sat up in bed with tired eyes. "Dad?" she asked. "What are you doing?"

"I'm catching your boyfriend in the act of breaking into my house, sweetie."

She gave him a confused look. "Edward isn't here," she said. "He hasn't been here all night."

Charlie chuckled. "Covering for him isn't going to do anything."

"Well then, where is he?" Bella asked. "I don't see Edward here anywhere."

I think that's when Charlie first realized that Edward _wasn't _there. He was nowhere to be seen. Charlie looked at Frank, at me, then at Bella, with questioning looks each time. I was confused, too. Even I had seen Edward Cullen sneak into Bella's room a total of fifteen seconds before we got here and he was gone. That's not even enough time for him to climb back out of the window.

"I'm going back to sleep," Bella muttered, plopping her head back down onto her pillow.

All three of us dudes left the room slowly, each with the same question on our minds: How did Edward Cullen do it?

Frank looked at me with a look I'd seen many times before. We had another mystery to solve in less than a week.

The Hardy Boys were back.


	3. Hiking with a Cullen

Disclaimer: I don't own the Hardy Boys or the Twilight characters involved or mentioned in any part of this fanfiction story.

Chapter 3

Hiking with a Cullen

Bella's POV

When I got up in the morning and went downstairs, Charlie, Frank, and Joe were sitting around the table like nothing had happened out of the ordinary the night before; as though they hadn't barged into my room in the middle of the night and claimed Edward was there.

Well, he probably was there, actually. I had told him he could come over, but he would have to wait until around midnight so that Charlie and the Hardys would be in bed. I should have known that Charlie would be waiting for Edward to show up. He was getting annoying like that. And now there were a couple of nosey detectives staying with us.

I wasn't too worried about them, though. Yeah, they had solved a few mysteries, but they were young and immature. Especially Joe. And they were on vacation. No, I was more worried about Charlie butting his nose into my life, because then he would be butting his nose into Edward's life.

"Hi, Bells," Joe said lightly upon seeing me. "You're looking fine this morning."

I rolled my eyes and took a seat beside Frank. I'd rather sit beside him than Joe. At least Frank didn't throw out cheesy pick-up lines at me every other second.

Charlie passed a plate to me with two eggs and some bacon. "Frank made breakfast this morning," he said as though I should be impressed.

"Sorry if it's cold," Frank said to me. "I cooked it like, half an hour ago."

"It's warm enough," I muttered. It wasn't really, but I didn't feel like getting up to put it in the microwave. And I didn't feel like having Joe offer to do it for me.

When I had finished eating, Charlie asked, "What are your plans for the day, Bella?"

"I'm going to spend the day with Edward," I told him in a 'none of your business' tone.

Charlie smiled and I knew something was coming up that I was not going to like. "Well, why don't you take the Hardys with you?"

What did I tell you?

"Dad," I said, "Edward and I have plans. I don't want anyone else tagging along, and I'm pretty sure Edward wouldn't, either."

"Why not?" he asked suspiciously. "You two are just hanging out, right?"

I knew where he was going with this. "Yes, we're just hanging out," I said reluctantly. "I guess there's no harm in letting them come…"

"Great!" Joe said, standing from his chair. "I'll go get ready! I can't wait to meet Edward." There was a hint of resentment in his voice towards Edward, but I didn't worry about it. Joe could keep his issues to himself.

"When are you leaving, Bella?" Frank asked while Joe ran off.

"In exactly six minutes and forty two seconds, not a moment more," I said, also standing to go get ready. "If you two aren't ready by then, I'm leaving without you."

Well, they were ready in time. That was kind of disappointing, but I had to deal with it. When we got to Edward's house, he was already waiting for me on the front porch. He didn't look happy to see Frank and Joe.

We stepped up onto the porch and Edward pulled me aside. "Who are they?" he asked me in a whisper.

"Frank and Joe Hardy," I replied equally quietly. "My dad made me bring them. I have to hang out with them all day."

"Who are they?"

"You know Fenton Hardy?"

Edward looked confused. "Yeah, he's the famous private detective, right?"

I nodded. "Frank and Joe are his sons."

Joe stuck his head in between us. "You know we can hear you, right?" he said in a mocking whisper.

I sighed disgustedly and rolled my eyes. Joe had that effect on me, and probably on just about every other girl he met. "Edward, this is Joe; the immature, annoying, and obnoxious one."

Joe shoved his hand at Edward. "Nice to meet you, Edward," he said with partially narrowed eyes. "Bella talks about you a lot."

"I'm Frank," the older brother said, extending his hand to Edward much more politely than Joe. Edward accepted it. "I'm the older, more mature one."

"Hey!" Joe asserted, offended. "That statement was completely unnecessary!"

Edward chuckled and said to me, "You have your hands full with this one, Bells," he said.

You have no idea, I thought at him, as if he could hear me.

"So," Joe said, "what are we going to do today, guys?"

"Well," Edward began, "I was planning on hiking with Bella today…"

"Great!" Joe interrupted. "Frank and I are great hikers. It's something that we have to do a lot in order to either get away from terrorists or to sneak up on terrorists. I remember this one time—"

"If you think you can handle going all day, then you're welcome to join us," Edward said with a smile.

"And what if Bella can't handle it for the whole day?" the younger Hardy asked.

Edward smiled again. "Then I'll carry her. But I'm not carrying you, no matter how tired you get."

"Fine by me," Joe said with a shrug.

"Frankly, I don't particularly want you to carry me," Frank added.

"Right then," I said. "Let's get going."

I jumped off the porch and missed the ground with my feet. Before I landed flat on my face, Edward caught me with his awesome fast reflexes and we headed for the woods.

"Where's your hiking gear?" I hear Frank ask, still on the porch.

"We're not taking any," Edward replied, still walking with me.

"But we need supplies," Frank argued. "Like water, for example."

My beautiful boyfriend shrugged. "Don't need it."

"What about food?"

"Don't need it."

I glanced back and saw the perplexed look on Frank's face, but I didn't let him see my smirk.

"Come on, Frank," Joe said, jogging to catch up with us. "We've hiked in harder situations."

"I guess…" Frank seemed hesitant. "But shouldn't we at least bring a first-aid kit? You know, just in case one of us gets hurt. I mean, Bella might fall and break her ankle or something. What would we do then?"

He just had to point out my clumsiness.

"Stop being such a worry-wart, Frankly," Edward said, using a nickname that he had probably made up on the spot.

"I just want to be prepared, that's all," Frank said as he, too, jogged to join us. "And my name is not Frankly. It's just Frank."

"Would it help if I said I'd protect you if we ran into anything dangerous, Frankly?" Edward asked, completely ignoring Frank's comment.

"Not really," Frank replied. Then he shrugged. "Oh well. I guess if we get attacked by a bear or some other type of wild animal, we'll just have to hope we can run fast enough to get away."

"Like I said: if that happens, I'll protect you, Frankly."

Frank looked annoyed. "Two things," he said. "One: I doubt there is very much you could do against a full grown grizzly bear, and two: my name is not Frankly! Stop calling me that!"

Edward shrugged. "Whatever you say…Frankly."

I couldn't help but smile openly. Edward sure had a way with strangers.

Frank's POV

Charlie was right. Something just didn't sit right with this guy. He was confident and casual, perhaps too much so. And what was with the hero complex? He thought he could just take on whatever came his way. First rule of being a detective: the confident ones are suspects.

Not that this was an actual case with actual suspects. It was more like a favour for a friend. I didn't even know why Charlie was so concerned about this guy. I mean, he was handsome and he was rich, and he seemed to think the world of Bella. What else could a father want for his daughter? Still, I was beginning to understand why Charlie didn't like Edward.

We hiked through the woods for a few hours. In a way, it was a relief that we didn't have to carry hiking packs or anything like that; then again, we were going to be doing this all day. We still had, like, five hours left. I couldn't believe Edward was stupid enough to just go all day like this without any supplies.

"We'll rest here for five minutes," Edward said when we had reached a clearing. I'm pretty sure it was more for Bella than us. "How are you two holding up?" he asked Joe and I.

"Fine," I said, and it wasn't a lie. If he was trying to tucker us out, it wasn't working. Joe and I were tough. We could stick it out through just about anything, and we have. We've spent the night in freezing weather, in dense forests, on the run from psycho killers. We've been locked in a room with a bomb, kidnapped on several occasions, and there's a lot of people out there who want us dead. Every time we're on a case, we end up running for our lives at some point. A hike in the woods was not going to falter us.

"My feet hurt," Joe complained. So much for a hike not faltering us.

Edward laughed suddenly, and I looked at him as though he was on something. "What's so funny?" I asked.

"Nothing," he chuckled, then whispered something into Bella's ear. She laughed, too.

"I'm pretty sure we're missing the joke," Joe said to me.

"The joke's probably on us," I mumbled. I was getting the feeling that we weren't wanted.

Joe looked at Edward like he wanted to say something. Then he did. "Edward, can I ask why your skin is so pale?"

"Yes," Edward replied and left it at that.

Joe waited a moment. "…Well?"

"Well what?"

"Are you going to answer my question?"

"I already did," Edward said. "The question was if you could ask why I'm pale, and the answer was yes, you can."

Joe tilted his head in confusion and looked at me for an explanation. I sighed. "Joe, you asked him if you can ask him a question. He said you can ask the question that you asked if you could ask."

"…Oh…" Joe said, obviously still confused.

"Just ask him your question, Joe," I said.

"Right," Joe said, then turned back to Edward. "Why are you so pale?"

"I don't like to talk about my skin condition," Edward replied. "And I would appreciate it if you would drop the subject. It's a sensitive topic for me."

"Oh," Joe muttered, turning back to me.

I leaned back in the grass and looked up at the cloudy sky and Joe did the same. "Looks like the sun might decide to come out," I mumbled absentmindedly.

I saw Edward shake his head out of the corner of my eye. "The weather called for rain," he said. "Thunderstorms, even. The sun's not coming out."

I pointed to the sky where the blanket of cloud ended. "The wind is pushing the clouds out of the way," I corrected. "If there's going to be a storm, it'll be somewhere else."

I saw Edward look up at the sky and turned my head to see him better. I noticed he looked worried. "What's up?" I asked.

"We have to go," he replied, standing quickly and helping Bella to her feet as well. "Now."

I looked back up at the nearly sunny sky and heard Bella whisper something urgently to Edward before the last of the clouds uncovered the sun and warm light fell over the field. I didn't even have enough time to start to enjoy it before a flash caught the corner of my eye from where Bella and Edward stood.

I looked over at them to see where the shine was coming from, and was I surprised by what I saw!

Edward was glowing.

It was like millions of diamonds were embedded into his skin. The light coming off of him was beautiful—almost angelic. The sun was reflecting off of his skin as though he were a big walking jewel.

It lasted only a few seconds, because Edward got into the shade as quickly as humanly possible. As soon as the direct sunlight fell away from him, his skin returned to its normal paleness.

"Holy crow!" I heard Joe say from behind me as I stared with wide eyes at Edward, who looked back at me innocently.

"I told you I have a skin condition," Edward mumbled, seemingly embarrassed. "It's called…Photoaquacintosis. It's really rare."

Joe and I stared at him blankly. "Photoaquacintosis?" I asked disbelievingly.

He nodded. "Yes. It is genetic. My whole family has it: Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, and me. But you won't meet anyone else with it in your lives, I don't think. We are one family in a billion." He smiled, and it was the fakest smile I have ever seen.

"Well…" I said, standing slowly, "shouldn't we get on with the hike?"

I was kind of surprised when Edward shook his head. "We should go back home now. I don't like to be in the sun with people around. It's embarrassing."

Joe and I looked at each other with the same questioning looks. It was time to do some serious digging into Edward Cullen.


	4. First Impressions

**Thanks for the good reviews, everyone!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the Hardy Boys.**

Chapter 4

First Impressions

**Edward's POV**

It took considerably less time to get back to the house, mostly because I had given up letting them keep right up to Bella and me. I had to get back to the house as fast as I could while avoiding the sun at the same time. I was kind of leaving Frank and Joe behind on purpose, so I could talk to the others for even a minute. That is, if they were back from their 'camping trip' yet. They were supposed to be back before we left, but I guess they must have been held up by something. Probably a bear.

Turns out they were just getting back. Only Carlisle and Esme had even made it through the door when they saw me and Bella coming.

"Back from your hike already?" Alice asked with a smile as I approached the house with Bella on my back. "I thought you two were going to be gone all day. It's still light out."

I set Bella down and looked at my family seriously. Carlisle and Esme came back out on the porch. In vampire speed, I told them what was going on. "We have this ultra rare skin condition called photoaquacintosis, got it?" I said to them.

They looked at me like I was crazy. I continued, "Photoaquacintosis is genetic, so we all have it."

"Why are we talking at vampire speed?" Jasper asked. "Is this something you don't want Bella to hear?"

"Nope. I don't want Frank and Joe to hear. I have to get through this before they get here."

"Who are Frank and Joe?" Esme questioned.

"Detectives. Don't ask."

Emmett flashed a teasing smile. "What did you get yourself into while we were gone?"

"Nothing," I insisted.

"Charlie?" Rosalie asked.

I nodded.

"Do you mind?" Bella asked with a frustrated hand on her hip. "Not all of us speak vampire."

"Sorry," I said normally. "I had to let them know what makes our skin shine."

"Photoaquacintosis…" Carlisle said slowly. "That's pretty good. Did you come up with that all by yourself?"

"That was all him," Bella answered for me. "Frank and Joe kind of saw him in the sun."

"Why are you letting detectives follow you around?" Jasper asked with a raised eyebrow.

"That's my fault. Kind of," Bella said. "I guess it was more Charlie. He made me bring them with me. Fenton, their father, wants them to take a vacation from catching terrorists, so they came to stay with me and Charlie."

"Wait a second," Carlisle said. "Frank and Joe? As is the Hardy Boys? Sons of the famous private detective Fenton Hardy? _And they saw Edward in the sun?!_"

I nodded, a little embarrassed. "But I think I convinced them that it's photoaquacintosis."

"Nope," Alice said suddenly.

"Great!" Carlisle said sarcastically. "I've heard of these two. Once they get a hold of a mystery, they don't quit until it's solved. Criminals hate them for it."

"What are we going to do about them?" Jasper asked.

"We could always tell them about us and then have a reason to kill them," Emmett suggested.

"No…" Carlisle said seriously, "I don't think that would work. They've lived through too much. They would probably live through whatever we did to them…"

Huh. I was expecting him to say that we don't commit murder in this family, but that works too.

"I have a question," Esme said to me. "If this photoaquacintosis is genetic, how can we all have it?"

"We're not adopted," I replied. "I know we always tell people that we are, but this is an exception."

They were all staring at me as though I had completely lost it, and I realized why when I heard the same question in all of their minds.

"I look young enough to be your brother," Carlisle said. "If we are all biologically related, am I no longer your father?"

"And even if we are still your parents, what are the chances of both of us having this ultra rare photoaquacintosis?" Esme asked.

"Ohh…" I said slowly. "I hadn't thought about that…"

By now, Rosalie had had it with my 'incompetence', as she thought it. I waited for the blast that I knew was coming my way.

"I can't believe you were so stupid!" she screamed at me. If you've never heard an angry vampire scream, and you yourself have vampire hearing, let me tell you that it's enough to make your blood (if you have it) churn.

"I can't believe that you actually let them see you in the sun! Do you realize the trouble this could cause for all of us?" she continued.

"That's not fair," I countered. "How was I to know the sun was coming out? I checked the forecast, and it was supposed to be cloudy all day. All week, even. It's not like Alice was around to tell me that it was actually going to be sunny, and how was I to know that we'd have Sherlock Juniors tagging along?"

"Don't turn this around on me, Edward," Alice said. "You were the one who decided to stay home and hike with Bella rather than come hunting with us."

"And as far as the sun is concerned," Bella added, and I wished she wouldn't, "Frank told you it was coming. You stood there arguing with him for thirty seconds about it."

"You see?" Rosalie demanded. "This whole thing is because of your stupidity. You never think of the greater picture before you rush into things, because you always think 'Oh, look at me. I'm Edward Cullen; the bronze haired vampire. Nothing can touch me 'cuz I'm too quick'."

"This has nothing to do with me!" I declared. "I'm not only responsible for myself. I look out for all of you, too. Why do you think I said that photoaquacintosis is genetic and that my whole family has it?"

"That's right, Edward Cullen to the rescue," Rose sneered. "Unlike you, Eddie, we can protect our own secrets. We know when to act and when to hide. We don't just go out and stop car accidents for the fun of it."

If I had blood, it would be boiling. Saving Bella's life was the best thing I had ever done with mine, and she had the nerve to categorize it with my mistakes. Not only did it make me angry, but I could tell that Bella was hurt by that statement, too. Hurting Bella is _the worst _mistake you could ever make in front of me. So I did the only logical thing that there was to do:

I tackled her.

Through the porch railing.

Hard.

Of course, you can never mess with Rosalie without Emmett getting involved. So I wasn't too surprised when I was tackled by him and driven through the front steps. Alice, being something like my best friend in the whole world, tried to get between me and Emmett to cease the fighting, but instead was sucked into it when she received the punch that was meant for me. This, obviously, got Jasper, who had moved in behind to try to calm us all down, involved. He attacked Emmett from in front of the steps and sent him flying through the porch area, past Carlisle, Esme, and Bella, and through the front door. There was nothing left of it.

Jasper's anger, of course, just made everything worse, _the stupid empath_. His rage rubbed off on the rest of us, and wouldn't you know it, we were destroying the lawn and the front of the house. Somewhere past my anger, I heard Bella screaming as loud as she could at us about how we were being childish and stupid, but I didn't care. I didn't even remember what we were all fighting about at that moment. In fact, I'm pretty sure we were all drowning out everything but our own anger and thoughts, until Carlisle said the magic words.

"Calm down all of you!" he shouted over us. "The boys are coming!"

We all froze at the same moment and looked down the driveway to see two tall figures approaching at a light jog. _Frank and Joe! _I had temporarily forgotten all about them.

Then our eyes pulled away from the detectives and focused on the house.

It was a _mess_. The steps were shattered, there were splintered pieces of wood where the right half of the railing should have been, and there was an Emmett-shaped hole in the door. The yard was torn apart, as though someone had started to till it but never finished.

We all looked just as bad, or worse, than the house. Rosalie and Alice's hair was crazy; Rosalie had twigs and grass all through hers and Alice's was no longer spiky—it had more of a ruffle to it. Half of the right side of Jasper's hair was on the left, and it was a lot more poofy than normal. Emmett was covered with splinters of wood from the door. I had splinters, too, but my hair didn't look quite so bad because it's always like that. Well, without the splinters, I mean. It's always crazy and poofy. All of us had very noticeable dirt smudges on our faces and arms.

Frank and Joe were getting closer.

"What now, genius?" Rosalie asked me bitterly.

"Now," I replied quietly as the boys got within earshot, "we improvise."

"One problem," Emmett said in a whisper, "there's a big me shape in the doorway!"

Carlisle beat the edges of Emmett's outline in vampire speed until it looked more like a wrecking-ball hole than an Emmett hole. "Not anymore," he said when he had finished.

All that was left to do was wait the remaining thirty seconds for Frank and Joe to actually get there. We all got up off the ground and brushed ourselves off as best we could, which wasn't actually very good. We still looked like we had been through a hurricane.

When they reached the rest of us, the two of them looked around at the disaster area. "What happened here?" Frank asked at the same time as Joe.

I started to say, "A freak storm", but was cut off by Rosalie's, "Vandals."

Joe chuckled in that stupid way he does. "A frandals?" he repeated back, not really getting the words right. "What's a frandal?"

Rosalie and I both changed our stories at the same time. This time, I started with, "Vand—," and Rose ended with, "—Eak storm."

Joe scratched his head. "A vandeak storm?"

I was about to change back to my original idea of the freak storm when Carlisle took over. "When we got home, we saw that our home had been vandalized. Then a freak gust of wind picked up and blew dirt all over my kids. They're a mess because of it. Luckily, Bella, my wife, and I happened to be in the house when it happened. Hi, I'm Carlisle Cullen, Edward's" –he shot a look at me– "_biological _father." He extended his hand to Frank, who accepted it politely, though he gave Carlisle an odd look.

"You don't look old enough to be the father of all these people," he said. "What are you, like, twenty five?"

"I am much older than I look," Carlisle said. He meant that in more than one way, but Frank and Joe wouldn't know that. Carlisle went on, introducing the Hardys to each member of the Cullen family. "This is my wife, Esme; my oldest son Emmett, the first set of twins, Jasper and Rosalie; you've already met Edward, and this is his twin sister Alice."

Joe had stopped listening at 'Rosalie', and instead was focused on her with a look of complete awe. I won't even admit what was going through his head, but let's just say that Rosalie's beauty did not go unnoticed by him.

"Joe Hardy," he said with a smile, kissing Rose's hand. "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, beautiful."

I stifled laughter as an angry Emmett pushed his way between Rosalie and Joe. He was only two inches taller, but with his intimidating muscular build next to Joe' slender form, he looked twice as large and twice as intimidating. The blood drained from Joe's face, and if I didn't know any better at that moment, I would have thought he was one of us.

"That's my sister you're flirting with," Emmett said, menace lining his voice. "She's off-limits. Got it, punk?"

Joe nodded nervously. "Y—Yes."

Emmett scowled at the anxious boy. "Yes what?"

"Yes sir!" Joe replied, turning even paler.

"Good," Emmett said, still glaring at Joe.

Joe stared wide-eyes at him for a moment before retreating to his brother's side. Frank was doing his best to keep from laughing his head off, as were all of my family (except Emmett) and Bella. Emmett was still glaring at Joe.

"Pardon our manners," Carlisle said once we had all successfully contained ourselves and a little colour returned to Joe's face. "Why don't you boys come inside? We can have some tea…"

"Or coffee," Joe added.

Carlisle and Esme gave each other uncertain looks. I didn't have to be able to read minds to know that we didn't have any coffee. The only reason we had any tea was for Carlisle to have a piece of his heritage around.

We didn't have to worry about that too much, because Frank shot Joe a look that literally said, _"Stop being such a moron and except the tea!"_

Joe countered Frank's look with one of his own that whined, _"But I don't like tea."_

Call me a lunatic, but I found that funny enough to chuckle a bit. My family hardly noticed, but Frank and Joe did. They both looked at me at the same time with the same expression and the same thought: _"Rule number two: Random laughter is never a good sign, in suspects or not.."_

It may not have helped their impression of me, but that was the single, most random and lame-brain thing I have ever heard go through someone's head. Did they actually have a detective instruction manual memorized, or was this something that they came up with all by themselves? Whatever it was, it was too much for me, and I couldn't help but outwardly express my sense of humour.

Of course, my laughter became apparent to everybody else, too. It wasn't too serious; I wasn't doubled over or rolling on the ground or anything. But now they knew I was actually laughing at something that was, or that I found to be, funny. One in particular was actually enjoying it a little too much, and I found this out when I felt my laughter level go up another notch.

"Umm…" Bella said, glancing between me and the Hardys, "maybe I should just take Frank and Joe back to the house. Edward's had a long day; I think he should get some _rest_."

She actually meant that I had to calm down and get a hold of myself, and that Jasper had to lay off and let me be, but of course she couldn't say that with Pinky and the Brain standing right there. She knew how important it was to keep attention away from us, unlike a certain military vampire we all know and love.

Jasper let me stop a little with my laughter, and I managed to shoot him a subtle look of promised death before I escorted Bella to her new Mercedes, which Joe was a little too eager to ride in.

"Can I drive?" he asked Bella excitedly.

"No," she replied, not even thinking about it, I'm sure.

"_Pleeaaase_?"

"No."

"I'm a really good driv—"

"No."

"But—"

"No."

"I didn't even—"

"No."

Joe was getting frustrated. "Would you let me finish my sent—?"

"No."

I chuckled at Bella's quick tongue. By now, Joe was getting red in the face. I stopped chuckling, though, when I heard what was going through his brain. Let's just say he the red wasn't completely from frustration and leave it at that.

I wanted to rip his head off then and there, but then I would have to kill his brother too and I kind of liked Frank. He was amusing in a nerdy kind of way. Oh yeah, and we don't kill people. Kind of forgot about that for a second…

Joe continued rambling even as he climbed into the back seat. "I just wish people would give me a shot at stuff…" he was saying when Frank interrupted with, "Just shut up, Joe."

I know Frank is something like a walking safety manual, but that was the best advice I had heard him give all day.


	5. Coincidences?

**Hehe…I like this chapter muchly…hehe. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own these thingies. I just use them…**

Chapter 5

Coincidences?

**Joe's POV**

"Have you found anything yet?" I asked Frank when we were finally able to get on the internet with his laptop. Why didn't they have high speed out here? We had to jack the internet from Bella, and it was taking for_ever _to load anything.

"I'm _still_ waiting," he said, his eyes glued to the screen. I sat on his bed beside him and looked over his shoulder.

"The little green bar is over halfway done," I pointed out, then added, "Only ten minutes left."

"Yeah, and in the meantime, Edward might be getting one step closer to blowing up the world or whatever he's planning," he joked.

I smiled at his sense of humour. Same old Frank. He put on a mature, genius show when in public, acting all adult and stuff, but inside he was still a teenager like me.

Okay, so he is always mature and genius. I can't help it if Frank wants to be an adult while he's still a teenager and is throwing away what's left of his childhood. At least I knew how to spend my time logically.

"Oh, here it is," Frank said, breaking into my thoughts.

I looked at the screen and read the results in a radio announcer's voice. "'Did you mean _Photo auquacintosis_?'"

Frank shrugged. "Maybe it's supposed to be two words. There's nothing for this one." He clicked the correction and we waited again.

Five minutes later came more disappointment.

"No results," Frank stated. "Are we sure it was photoaquacintosis?"

"Well, that's what Edward called it," I said. "The name makes sense, too. I mean, _Photo_ is Greek for _Light_,which made him glow; _Aqua _is _Water_, and water reflects, like his skin; and the suffix _osis _means _pertaining to_ or _pertaining of_. Altogether, it would mean _pertaining to light and…_water… Yeah, I guess that doesn't really make that much sense…" I glanced at Frank, who was looking at me with that raised eyebrow and crooked frown that I always get when he wants me to shut up.

He rolled his eyes and turned back to the screen, looking perplexed. "I just don't get it. Why wouldn't there be anything on this ultra rare skin condition photoaquacintosis?"

"Have you considered possibly that it's _because _it's 'ultra rare'?"

"Usually there's more information on the rare stuff."

Huh. He had a point.

"Have you tried Wikipedia?" I asked.

He looked at me with that look again. "If it's not on Google, it won't be on Wikipedia. Google has links to things on Wikipedia."

Another good point. Frank had a lot of those.

"Well, try searching something else," I suggested.

"Like what?"

"I don't know… Try searching _Edward Cullen_."

He stared at me. "You want me to _Google _Edward."

"Yeah," I said. He was still staring at me. "What? We know he doesn't have a record because Charlie would have told us about it and Bella would never be allowed to date him. Maybe he has his own website or something. It's all we've got to go on."

Wow. I was actually making a point that made sense.

"I guess that makes sense," Frank said.

See? Even my genius of a brother thinks so.

Frank typed in the name and we went back to waiting.

After a minute, Frank sighed and set the computer on my lap. "I'm going to get some vegetable juice. Do you want some?"

Ew.

"Nope. I'm good," I said.

He smacked my forehead with the palm of his hand and grinned. "Could've had a V8," he said with a chuckle and headed for the kitchen.

I rolled my eyes and turned to the computer. Dial-up is absolutely terrible to have when you're trying to do research for something important. I mean, we even have high speed internet back in Bayport! Why wasn't it here in Forks?

The results came up eventually and I scrolled down. "I don't think any of this is any good," I called to him. "It's all from a bunch of girls in the Forks high school saying what a hottie he is."

"You say that as if you think so, too," Frank teased. Even halfway across the house, he could still find some way to nag at me in that brotherly way he has.

I ignored him for the moment and continued to scroll down. Then one of the articles caught my eye. I clicked it, and surprisingly it didn't take very long to load. "Uhh, Frank?" I said. "I think you should see this."

He entered the room a few seconds later, carrying his vegetable juice in a big glass cup. "What is it?"

I turned the computer for him to see.

"So what?" he asked. "Some kid named Edward Mason was offered a big time scholarship eight years ago. Big deal."

I scrolled down to the picture presented with the article and saw Frank freeze.

"That's…" he started.

"Not just a coincidence," I finished. "This is Edward Cullen. Eight years ago."

Frank put his juice on the dresser and resumed his position beside me. He grabbed the laptop from me and examined the picture carefully. "This is impossible…" he muttered. At the top of the document, he highlighted Cullen and replaced it with Mason. In a few minutes, another page of articles popped up. One in particular looked interesting.

Frank clicked on the one titled SPANISH INFLUENZA CLAIMS REMAINDER OF MASON FAMILY. Turns out it was a scan of the obituary column of a newspaper that dated back to nineteen-eighteen.

There were no pictures in it, and some of the words were a little hard to make out, but Frank managed.

"It says here that seventeen-year-old Edward Mason and his mother Elizabeth died of the Spanish Influenza on the same day in Chicago, in nineteen-eighteen. I've read about the Spanish Influenza before. It was a terrible plague that killed many people."

"You read about everything Frank," I commented.

He turned to me, ignoring my statement. "This can't be the same Edward…can it?"

I shook my head. "No. I mean, Edward Mason and Edward Cullen might not even be the same person. They say everyone in the world has a look-alike."

"I don't know…the two pictures look identical. They both even have the same topaz coloured eyes."

"Hmm…" I said, thinking over the things we had just seen and read. "Try searching someone else in his family. Try Carlisle."

Frank typed Carlisle Cullen in the search box and we waited again.

Frank groaned after a minute. "This is _sooo _slow!"

I was about to throw out a witty comment about it being slow and steady as to not get hurt, but a sound from outside our window stopped me.

"Did you hear that?" I asked Frank.

"Hear what?"

"Shh!"

We listened in silence for a minute.

"I don't hear anything," Frank said. "What did it sound like?"

"Like someone was moving outside."

Frank shrugged. "Probably just a small animal. A dog or cat. Maybe a bunny."

I listened for another moment. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

We turned back to the screen as the results came up.

"I didn't know Carlisle was the best surgeon known on earth," Frank said. "There's a whole bunch of articles here about him. He doesn't even look old enough to have that kind of expert training."

"He doesn't look old enough to be the father of five teenagers, either," I said. "I don't think Emmett even looks like a teenager. He's probably, like, twenty one. _Maybe _twenty. But he's awful buff for twenty."

"Look at this," Frank drew my attention back to the screen. "This one dates back to two-thousand. Carlisle was still the best back then, it seems. And this one is from nineteen-ninety. I guess he is older than he looks."

"Yeah, but I bet he looks exactly the same during all those years," I said.

Frank started to say something else, but was cut off by the sound of shattering glass from the end of the hall.

"Bella probably dropped something breakable again," Frank said. "I'll go help her clean up."

He handed the computer to me and left. I scrolled down and found another document from nineteen-eighteen, this one with Carlisle's name on it. I clicked it.

"Joe!" I heard Frank exclaim. "Someone tried to break in and shattered the window on the door! Call the police!"

"Why?" I asked, setting the laptop on the bed. "Charlie _is _police."

"Charlie isn't here! He went to the station, remember?"

Mentally kicking myself for forgetting, I rushed to the kitchen and picked up the phone. "There's only static and beepy thingies!" I shouted.

"We're on dial-up! Disconnect from the internet!"

I rushed back into the room and yanked the cord from the back of Frank's computer. Then I ran back into the kitchen and grabbed the phone again.

I used the emergency number Charlie had given us.

"Hello?" he said from the other line.

"Charlie! Someone tried to break in! Get over here now!" Then I hung up and ran out the door with Frank, yelling over my shoulder, "Stay in your room, Bella!"

We stopped on the front steps. "He couldn't have gone far," Frank said. "Keep your eyes peeled for _any _movement. We can't let this guy get away."

"This isn't my first time doing this, Frank," I said. He ignored me. Figures.

We stood very still and very alert for a few moments before I finally saw a black shadow moving towards the trees. Without even telling Frank, I bolted after the figure. Frank knew I had seen something and was hot on my heels. Unfortunately, whoever it was managed to get to the trees before we could catch him.

"You got your penlight?" Frank asked me, still running.

"Yeah," I said, pulling it out of my pocket and flicking it on. He did the same with his.

We slowed down when we reached the trees and shined our lights around.

"I don't see anything," I whispered to Frank.

"He probably stopped moving so we won't see him," Frank replied. "Come on."

We took a few steps deeper into the trees.

"I think we should split up," Frank said.

I stared at him as though he had lost his mind. "Frank, bad things happen when we split up. Remember the time I was kidnapped when I went after the guy that was digging in out trunk? I'm not going through that again. And what about when _you _were kidnapped and kept behind the secret panel? Remember when we were captured by the clone making people and were separated from each other and were replaced with clones of us that had our fingerprints, and they made another Iola? What about when—"

"Fine, we won't split up," Frank interrupted. "If you feel that strongly about it…"

At that moment, I heard a slight sound behind me and I froze. Frank heard it, too, and stiffened beside me. I half expected something hard to smash down on my skull (that kind of happens to us a lot), and so I was actually more nervous when it didn't. I'm pretty sure Frank was, too. I was kind of scared to turn around; even more so when I heard the low growl from behind us.

Frank and I turned around slowly at the same time, ready for whatever was coming.

Or so we thought.

What I witnessed that night was something straight out of a nightmare: I found myself staring into the reflective eyes of a furry beast as big as or bigger than a full grown work horse. I couldn't tell if it was a bear or some kind of canine, but it was clear that its teeth were sharp and its eyes were angry. We didn't dare move, so Frank and I stood as still as humanly possible. The monster didn't move either. It just stood, meeting our eyes evenly and calmer than an animal's eyes should be.

We stood frozen to the spot for what seemed like hours; though it was cool, I was sweating more than I thought possible and my heart was racing. Everything in me screamed to run, but I knew that would only make matters worse. If we were still long enough, maybe it would just leave. What killed me the most about all of this was that while we were having a staring contest with a monster, whoever it was that was trying to break in was getting away.

The reddish-brown beast made the first move. It began stalking in a circle around us, keeping its eyes focused on us at all times, as if waiting for something. When it reached the opposite side of us than where it had begun, it stopped. I managed a glance at Frank and noticed that he seemed cool and collected, as if fighting with the beast through his eyes alone. Then suddenly, without warning, the massive animal lunged at us with a vicious snarl.

Well, I was shocked out of stillness and ran screaming. Frank joined me on my desperate flee and we ran neck-in-neck back up the field and towards the house, even though the beast made no attempt to follow us. If I didn't know any better, I would think it just wanted to scare us. It's more likely, however, that it was more scared of us than we were of it. I'll tell you one thing, though: I doubted the thing was just about ready to pee itself. I was…

Frank and I reached the house at the same time as two police cruisers were pulling up with their lights flashing and sirens wailing. Charlie hopped out of the one in front.

We stopped running at the same time in front of Charlie, bent over with our hands on our knees to catch our breath.

"What happened, boys?" Charlie asked franticly. "You said someone tried to break in—"

"Yeah," I said breathlessly. "We were in the spare bedroom and we heard something shatter in the hall. Frank went to check it out and saw that someone had smashed the window in on the door. We figure when he heard us coming, he took off. We chased him, but he got away in the woods when we were being attacked by some kind of wild animal."

"Is Bella okay?"

"She never came out of her room," Frank said.

I heard the front door open from behind us and whipped around to see Bella standing there.

"Daddy?" she asked with confusion. "What are you doing here? I thought you were on the graveyard shift this week."

Frank and I stared. Not at her (although I saw no reason not to), but at the door which she had opened. _It was perfectly fine!_

Charlie half glared at me and Frank. "I thought you boys said someone busted the front window.

"But—" Frank said, clearly as baffled as I was, "They did! We heard it. We _saw _it!"

I skipped the steps to the front door and gently pushed Bella aside as I entered the house to look for the shattered glass. There wasn't any.

"It was here!" I insisted. "There was glass spread halfway down the hall!"

"What are you talking about?" Bella asked me. "There's no broken glass in the hall."

I looked back to where Frank and Charlie stood. Charlie's glare was full blown, now, and Frank was looking one hundred percent freaked out.

"I don't have time for your pranks, boys," Charlie said, trying unsuccessfully to hide his anger from us. "While I bring out two cruisers and four men to investigate a fake attempted robbery, something serious may have happened that actually needed our attention. I'm very disappointed in you two. I would have thought you would be more responsible than that."

He looked at his watch while Frank and I stood in complete shock and embarrassment. "I have to get back to the station," he said. "We'll resume this talk when I get home. In the meantime, no more phone calls to _anyone_, got it?"

"Yes sir," we both said ruefully.

Without another word, Charlie climbed back into his cruiser and drove off with the other officers. Frank and I went back inside, our spirits crushed. Bella followed us in, acting somewhat smug. I turned to her.

"You didn't hear or see _anything_?" I asked her desperately.

She shook her head. "I only heard you yelling at me to stay in my room. Not like I was going to come out with only you two in the house anyways."

I shook my head in disbelief and turned into our room behind Frank while Bella continued to hers. I bumped into Frank, who had stopped dead in the doorway.

"Uh, Frank? You're holding up the line here," I said to my older brother.

Frank didn't move, but simply whispered, "Oh no! They didn't!" He turned to me with horrified eyes. "Please say that didn't happen! Please tell me that that's a hallucination!"

"Uh, I can't see what's past you, buddy," I said. He turned sideways—like a drone robot—and let me further into the room.

Then I saw it: his laptop, the one he had spent more than a thousand dollars on, was covered in the contents of what had been his glass of red vegetable juice. The keyboard was sparking and the screen was black. "Where did you set your drink?" I asked him.

"On the dresser," he said, his eyes glazed in shock.

It was then that I noticed the note taped to the mouse pad. I went over to the computer and picked up the yellow piece of paper with shaky hands. "Frank…"

He came over beside me and looked at the note, then read it aloud nervously. "'Franklin and Joseph Hardy: If you know what's good for you, stop digging. If you know what's good for your family, tell no one about this.'"

I wiped the nervous sweat from my forehead and asked, "Do you think it was the Cullens?"

He shook his head. "No. At least, not just them. It's be far too obvious for us to know who did it. Rule number three: suspects are never obvious unless they want to get caught."

"What are you thinking?"

He turned to me with a look that made me wish I hadn't asked. "I think we're dealing with something much, much bigger."

"Frank…" I whispered, "what did we get ourselves into this time?"


	6. Other Tactics

**Hey! Sorry it took so long. If an explanation you desire, read my other fanfic (Vampires, Bird-Kinds, and Aliens: Oh My! Chapter 19). There's a note thingy there from Yours Truly. I'm not typing all that again.**

**Hope you enjoy the vampires' other tactics! Please review ;-)**

**Disclaimer: Hardys not mine. Cullens not mine. Jacob not mine. Bella not mine.**

Chapter 6

Other Tactics

**Edward's POV**

"I wish I could have seen the looks on their snoopy little faces when they caught sight of Jacob!" Emmett was saying as we all piled into the house.

"I would have rather been there when Charlie got there and there was no sign of us," Jasper added with a chuckle. "Not even a speck of glass."

"I just hope it worked," I said distractedly, watching my feet. "You heard what Carlisle said before they got here: those two never give up."

"Did you hear what else Carlisle said after they left?" a familiar but angry voice sounded from the living room. "He also said not to do anything stupid that would draw unwanted attention."

We all turned, knowing exactly what was coming. Well, _I _of course knew before any of the others, but that's beside the point.

"Hi, Carlisle," we all muttered at the same time.

"What are you two doing still up?" Emmett asked, trying to lighten him up. It wasn't working out very well.

Carlisle crossed his arms in front of him. "We don't sleep."

"Before you go all 'psycho dad' on us," Jasper said, "I just want to say…it was all Edward's idea. I had nothing to do with it."

"Shut it, Jasper," I hissed. Carlisle was glaring at me. "Okay," I admitted. "I came up with it. But I had a perfectly good reason."

He waited.

I sighed. "They were searching us up on the internet. They found some old picture of me from that year I got the scholarship under the name Edward Mason."

Carlisle was still angry and debating whether or not to take our cars away again. I couldn't let him do that.

"They found my obituary story!" I said desperately. "They were searching _you_! I _had _to do something for the sake of our entire family!"

He wasn't impressed. "Alice said you left a threatening note."

I opened my mouth to explain but he cut me off with a raised hand and a sigh. "Look, Edward, I know you meant well by this, but that was the wrong way to handle things. Making threats on people's lives isn't something we do."

"Not even if it's to save them?" another voice asked from the doorway. I was so set on making Carlisle not mad at us that I hadn't even noticed when someone else's thoughts entered the room.

I turned to see Jacob Black leaning in the front door with his arms folded across his chest and a scowl that showed his hatred for us on his face.

"What took you so long, mutt?" I asked, not trying to be polite.

"Some of us can't crawl as fast as you leeches," he replied, also not trying to be polite. "But at least we can fight our own battles."

"Hey, I didn't want your help in the first place," I countered. "It was Bella who insisted that you be in on it."

The mangy dog walked right up to me, puffing out his chest like he was a big somebody. "At least she has some brains, unlike a certain few bloodsuckers I know of. Without me, your whole plan would have been ruined. _I _was the one that lured them out while you and your boyfriends swept the floor and replaced the window. I was the one that did all the work."

"You wish," Emmett butted in. "If it wasn't for us, you wouldn't have even known about the Hardys."

"If it wasn't for _me_," Jacob countered, stepping up to my intimidating adopted brother and somehow managing to look even more intimidating than Emmett, "Frank and Joe would be one step closer to finding out what you freaks are. Now that I think about it, maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing," he said, pretending like he was actually thinking about it. He shrugged. "Then you would either have to turn him or kill them, and since you're not allowed to bite or harm a human, I would have a reason to end your miserable existences."

Emmett glared up at Jacob. "You want to try it on, mongrel?"

"If the shoe fits…"

"Keep it up, pup, and we'll have to put you down early," I seethed, moving beside Emmett.

"Jacob! Emmett, Edward!" Carlisle said sharply. "Calm yourselves down! This is no way to be acting, vampires and werewolves or not!"

Jacob backed up a couple steps, more out of mockery than respect. "That's right. Good 'ol Pops to the rescue. Do you always need him to fight your battles for you, Edward, or is that something you pay him for?"

I let a deep growl escape my throat and advanced on him, just about ready to rip his tongue out of his mouth. Emmett held me back.

Jacob smiled in amusement at me. "Aww, did I hurt your feelings? I'm sorry. I forgot that your real secret weapon is at home babysitting the detectives for you."

"Don't talk about Bella," I growled.

He shrugged. "Fine. I'll leave her out of it as long as you do."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what it means," he said. "As long as Bella's with you, she's not safe. You bloodsuckers will wait until you have her full trust, and then you'll turn on her. If you leave her, I'll leave you."

"That's not going to happen," I told him. "Bella means everything to me, and if it means putting up with you to have her, then I'll do it."

Jacob shrugged again. "Fine. Have it your way." He turned to leave and stopped in the door. "Before I go, I just want to make it clear that I didn't help you out because I care what happens to you. I only helped because if they investigate you too much, then they'll find a connection to my clan. Being the detectives they are, they would start looking into me, and I can't have that."

Without another word, he walked out the door and took off.

"Don't be expecting any return favours!" I yelled at him as he ran off. Then I turned to Jasper. "Where were you, La-la Land?" I asked angrily. "I can't believe you just stood there and let him put down our family like that! You acted like you were agreeing with _him_!"

"I've decided to become a pacifist," he said innocently. "I'm not getting involved."

"You gave up the right to be a pacifist when you joined the civil war," Emmett commented. "You're one of us now. Jacob hates you just as much as he hates us, so you're involved whether you want to be or not."

"Speaking of involvement," Carlisle interrupted, "I demand to know just exactly what happened at Bella's house."

Jasper and Emmett's thoughts told me that they weren't saying a thing, so it was all on me. I sighed. "First of all, let me just say that we just went over to check up on them; you know, see what they were doing that involved us. Well, they were Googling me, which isn't that bad considering there isn't much about me. But then they found this article of Edward _Mason_, which, you know, is me.

"Then they found the story from nineteen-eighteen about me and my mother dying from the Spanish Influenza and started asking questions. Joe suggested they search you, and that could be a problem because of the simple fact that you've been the top surgeon in the world for years. Before they had a chance to find out anything, which Alice told me they would, Jasper, Emmett, Jacob, and I decided to do something. Scaring them seemed like the best option," I explained.

Carlisle stared at me blankly. "You know a threatening note will encourage them further, right?"

I shrugged. "Well, maybe it's meant to be then. Just because Alice can tell us about the future before it happens doesn't mean we can always change it."

"I'm not saying that," Carlisle said with a smirk. "We just have to use different tactics."

Uh-oh. Being a mind-reader, I knew exactly where he was going with this. Jasper and Emmett, however, were a little slow about it.

I sighed. The girls were going to take a shopping trip to Athens tomorrow, and I had a strange feeling that Bella would go along with what Carlisle was thinking, which I hoped wasn't what he was actually thinking. "Carlisle, _please _tell me your not thinking what I'm hearing."

Carlisle continued to smirk, but jasper and Emmett looked at each other in confusion, then at me for answers. I just shook my head in disapproval and looked at Carlisle. "We're going to _kidnap_ them?"


	7. Gifts, Girls, and Grit

**Yeah, so I know, I know. It's been forever. I won't bore you with the details of my excuse, but I will say that for like, a week, I was completely, totally, and utterly stumped. I was going to have certain events take place in this chapter, but when it started pushing eight pages, I decided I had to end it before said events happened. I hope you like it, anyways!**

**Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, these characters are the original property of Stephanie Myer and Franklin W. Dixon blahblahblah. Same thing for every chapter, and that's not going to change.**

Chapter 7

Gifts, Girls, and Grit

**Frank's POV**

I stayed in bed until ten o'clock the next morning, though I didn't sleep a wink. My thoughts kept moving to the note on my destroyed computer. Either Edward was really bad at being subtle, or we had somehow gotten ourselves involved in something more dangerous than a first boyfriend. Maybe it had nothing to do with Edward at all.

Either way, I knew we were getting close to…something. I wasn't sure what, but I knew it was big.

So all night I stayed awake, trying everything I could to fix my computer. Finally, I'd had to call Acer to talk about getting it repaired, and they had told me it could take anywhere from a week to a month to get it back to working quality, and that isn't mentioning the price that it would amount to. It would almost be enough to buy a new laptop.

I walked glumly into the kitchen/dining room and took a seat beside Joe, who had fallen asleep and was drooling on the table. He had apparently had as little sleep as I did, but he was probably up all night thinking about either Bella or Rosalie. He had trouble focusing on more important things, such as death threats towards us and our family.

Bella walked in. "Morning, Frank," she said happily.

I looked at her. "What are you so bouncy about?"

She shrugged. "Can't a girl be in a good mood once in a while?" She walked by Joe and pulled his chair out from under him with a sly grin.

Joe snapped awake, smacking his chin off the table as he fell. He landed with a hard thump on his tailbone. "What the—?" he said wildly, rubbing his jaw and looking around.

Bella stuck her head in the fridge and whistled casually. "Morning, sleeping beauty," she directed to Joe, who was looking drowsy and confused on the floor beside me.

I chuckled to myself at his cluelessness and her outward expression of dislike towards him. It never got old. Then again, they had been like that ever since we were all kids. There was this one time when I was six and Joe and Bella were five; Bella wanted to play House and Joe wanted to be the husband. She let him, but made him more like a slave than a spouse. She made him do the dishes, clean the toilette, scrub the floor; Dad and Charlie didn't know what to think with Joe running around with a toilette brush, bucket of soap and water, and a mop. Those were good times…

But circumstances had changed and we couldn't visit much anymore. Though it was obvious that our dads stayed in touch, we lived too far away to have our parents arrange play-dates. It was funny, though, to see that neither of them had changed in their attitudes towards each other.

"So, detectives," Bella said, deciding on orange juice and sitting across the table from me as Joe set his chair back up. "What are you investigating today?"

"What are you talking about, Bella?" I asked innocently. Our experience at working behind enemy lines had made me and Joe—and I hate to say it—very good liars. "We're on vacation. We're not doing any investigating right now."

"Mm-hmm." She was obviously being sarcastic. "You mean to tell me that two of the most famous sleuths in the United States haven't found anything to do some digging into during their stay in Forks?"

Was she testing us? It seemed like she knew—or at least suspected—that we were up to something. Rule number four: when they start showing signs of doubt, do whatever it takes to relieve their suspicion as soon as possible.

"That's right," Joe said, finally allowing something intelligent to come out of his mouth. "This week is strictly relaxation time. Even if we wanted to, Dad wouldn't let us do any sleuthing this week anyways. He wants us to lay low for a while after our last case."

"And that would stop you?" She waited.

Joe and I exchanged glances. What was she implying? Surely she couldn't have figured out what Charlie had asked us to do? Unless…unless she was in on whatever was going on. Somehow, our cases always end up going wrong at some point. It's inevitable. Maybe the tides had turned on us early this time.

"We respect our father's wishes," I said finally. "Besides, we don't go out and look for trouble. It usually finds us." That one wasn't a _complete _lie. We weren't looking for trouble when we accepted Charlie's offer. It's not like we asked to get sucked up into something that, as of yet, we still didn't understand. We were just trying to look out for Bella.

"Whatever you say," she said, not sounding convinced. At least we knew we wouldn't have to worry about her pulling a gun on us and throwing us into a reservoir with our feet trapped in a bucket of concrete… Sorry, I'm rambling again.

"Well," she continued, "if you're not doing any detective work today, what _will _you be doing today?"

"I thought we'd check out the town: go to that sporting goods store, Newton's Olympic Outfitters; check out the library; maybe stop by the beach…" I stopped. "There isn't really very much we can do."

"You said it," Joe commented. "What do people do for entertainment in this hick town besides go to Newton's, the library, or the beach? I like the sound of the beach, though. Water's always nice…"

Bella's smile faded. "The beach? First Beach? The one in La Push?"

"What other beach is there around here?"

She seemed troubled. "Why don't you go somewhere else, like Port Angeles? Maybe you should go hiking. We never finished yesterday because of Edward's skin condition. There's lots of woods around here…Yeah, you should go hiking. The woods are a nice remote place. It's peaceful and quiet and separate…Nobody around for miles."

"Uhh…" Joe and I looked at each other. Something about her suggestion was a little off, and besides, we'd had our share of wilderness last night. It wouldn't be a good idea to go out in the middle of the woods and risk another attack from a savage animal.

"I think we'll stick with the beach," I said, trying to sound casual. "It's a nice day. Being surrounded by trees that block out the sunlight would be a waste of a perfectly good beach opportunity."

She blinked. "It's cloudy, Frank."

I should have known that. It had been all over the weather forecast the day before.

There was a bit of an awkward silence for a minute as Bella finished her orange juice. But of course, Joe couldn't let the silence last.

"Does anyone else feel like watching Disney movies?"

Bella and I stared at him. "Disney movies?" we asked in unison.

"Yeah. You know: Mulan one and two; Aladdin, Return of Jafar, and the King of Thieves; The Lion King one, two, and one and a half; Sky High; Pirates of the Caribbean one, two, and three; Bambi one and two; High School Musical one, two, and three; Wall-E; Peter Pan and its sequel, Return to Neverland; Pinocchio; Cinderella one, two, and three; the Little Mermaid one, two, and Ariel's Beginning; Snow White; Sleeping Beauty; Beauty and the Beast; Tinkerbell; Barbie—"

"Joe!" I said, ready to rip my hair out. "Shut up!"

He shrank back in his chair at the same time that Bella stood from hers. She headed for the front door and said over her shoulder before she closed it behind her, "For the record, Joe, Barbie isn't Disney."

As soon as she was gone, I turned to Joe. "Okay. We have to go to the library so we can continue our research. Hopefully, Bella will decide to just spend the day with Edward and we won't have to worry about her looking over our shoulder the whole time. We only have five day left to approve Edward for Bella, and all we have so far is a rare skin disease called Photoaquacintosis, a sabotaged computer, a broken and then fixed front window, and a threatening note addressed specifically to us. We need to get serious about this one, Joe, and quick."

"Aww," my little brother complained. "I thought you were serious about going to the beach today."

"Are you kidding? We don't have time to go to the beach! We're on a case, Joe, not on vacation!"

He sank back in his chair disappointedly. "We're not _supposed _to be on a case. We only are because Charlie pulled us into it. Can't we take _some _time for ourselves?"

He gave me his horrendous puppy-dog eyes and I sighed. "Fine. We'll go to the beach. But we're stopping at Newton's Olympic Outfitters on the way. We need to make at least a little progress today."

His face lit up. "All right! Bring on the babes and bikinis!"

"Um, Joe?"

"Yes, my favourite big brother?"

"You do remember that we're in _Forks_, right?"

"Yeah. There's babes in Forks. All the Cullen girls are hot, and Bella's smokin' herself. Even Esme isn't bad, and she's married with five kids, most of which are older that us."

I rolled my eyes at him. "The beach isn't that kind of beach."

His smile grew. "You mean they _don't_ wear bikinis?"

"NO!" I shouted at him. "The beach has no sand! It's this big span of rocky shore, with seashells and crabs and starfish plastering the rocks and tidal pools! Did you pay attention to _anything_ that I said about this place before we came?"

His face turned red. "Um…No. I thought you were just rambling on again about ancient cultures or something."

I sighed. This was going to be a long day.

"Um, Frank?" he said. "I have one question: How are we going to get around Forks if we don't have our car? We can't take Charlie's cruiser, and Bella just left with her car."

I thought about it. He had a point. Our yellow Mustang was still being repaired back in Bayport from the latest attempt on our lives. Dad had been the one who brought us here. We had no mode of transportation.

As if on cue, the phone rang. I answered it.

"Hello, Swan residence. This is Frank Hardy. May I ask who's calling, please?"

"Frankly!" an all too familiar voice said from the other end.

I sighed. "Hello, Edward. What do you want?"

"So here's the thing," he started. "I think we got off on the wrong foot yesterday. I was kind of a distant jerk, and Emmett was over-sensitive with Joe hitting on Rosalie, and my nickname for you was getting on your nerves, and my family seemed all a bit strange."

"Okay…"

"So we wanted to make it up to you guys," he continued. "Bella told me that you guys currently don't have a car. Is that right?"

"Yeah. It was smashed up last week. It's back in Bayport being repaired," I said.

"So am I right in thinking you have no way to get around Forks other than your feet?"

"Yeah."

"Well, don't worry about that anymore. I've taken care of it."

I hesitated, not knowing if I even dared to ask. "…What do you mean?"

"Look out front," he replied.

I did as instructed, with Joe at my side begging me to tell him what was going on. I looked out the window.

"Um, Edward?" I asked. "Why is there a man holding a set of keys in front of a car in the drive way?"

I could feel his grin from the other end of the phone. "I told you I'd taken care of it."

Joe had heard him and was staring at the car. "No way! That's a 2009 Corvette Stingray! This car isn't even out yet!"

Edward chuckled and I asked, "So what's the car for?"

"It's for you two. Consider it an apology."

"We can't accept this, Edward," I said.

Joe turned to me with a look of absolute horror. "WHAT?!?"

I held up a hand to silence him. "We appreciate the gesture, but I don't need a reward for your stupidity."

"Look," Edward said, "I'm rich, dude. I don't even know how much money I have. I have connections in high places that can get vehicles like this before they're available to the public. That's how Bella got her car. I have more money than I know what to do with. When I have an opportunity to spend it on something I don't need, I go for it. Don't be an idiot. Take the car."

"I can't do that."

"Well, if you don't take it, it'll just be going to the junk yard. It's already insured, paid for in full, and registered in your names. It even has a full tank of gas and four pumped tires. There's a spare in the back. Take the stupid car."

"_PLEEEEAAASSSS?????_" Joe said from his knees.

I sighed. "Fine. But we're only using it for today. And we're going to pay you for the use of it. And we're giving it back at the end of the day. Consider it a rental."

"If that's how you want it," Edward said. "I won't take it back, though, so I guess you'll have to junk it at the end of the day. I'm not going to accept your money either, so like it or not, you're stuck with the Stingray."

I rolled my eyes. "We'll think about it." And then I hung up the phone.

Joe stood up and took off for the door. "I drive first!"

I sighed at his immature excitement and followed him, hiding a smile of my own.

**Edward's POV**

"No."

"_Please_, Jacob. We can't do this without you," I pleaded from our side of the line.

"I'm not getting involved in this anymore than I already am."

"You're involved just by being a werewolf. If they find out what we are, what makes you think that they won't discover _your_ secrets, too?" Carlisle pointed out.

Jacob was silent.

"Look, pup," I said, "we need you. Out of all of the possible candidates, you're the only one whose face they haven't seen. They won't be able to identify you."

"I'm not going to do your dirty work for you," Jacob countered. "It's your mess, so you clean it up."

He turned to leave.

"Jacob, don't be an idiot," Bella said to him. "Help them out. I don't want them to have to leave, and I don't want Frank and Joe to be turned or killed."

"Ha! Me, an idiot?" Jacob said, turning to Bella. "Just because I don't want to be involved with these bloodsuckers, I'm an idiot? Take a look in the mirror, Bells, if you want to see an idiot. Why are you risking losing your family, friends, and any chance at having a normal life to spend eternity with a monster?"

Bella turned red with rage and before I could stop her, she marched over the line to stand in front of Jacob. "For your information, Jacob, I happen to _love _Edward Cullen, and spending forever with him is a decision I don't even have to think about. If being with him means leaving behind my family, friends, and a normal life, then so be it. You know why you _really _don't want to help? It's because you know that I have found who I am meant to be with. The fact that he's a vampire just gives us more time together. Your real problem is that I've found love when you can't, no matter how hard you try. Wanna know why you've never imprinted on anyone? It's because you don't know _how _to love!"

Ouch. In that instant, I almost felt bad for Jacob. _Almost_.

"So go ahead," Bella continued. "Run away with your tail between your legs and pretend that this whole thing never happened. But make sure you realize that if Frank and Joe end up forcing Edward away from me, I will _never_ forgive you for it."

Now it was Jacob's turn to get angry. I saw his face darken as the blood rushed to it and suddenly worried for Bella. I knew the mutt would never hurt her on purpose, but when one of them gets angry, they can be a danger even to the ones they care the most about.

"You have no idea what I feel like every time I think about you choosing to be with that _thing_ instead of one of your own!" Jacob shouted at her.

Bella laughed amusedly. "I hope you're not talking about yourself," she said, ice lining her voice. "You may look more human, but you're just as much of a 'monster' as any vampire. The only difference between you is that I can still see the human side of the Cullens. With you, it's getting harder to distinguish man from beast with every day that passes."

Jacob tensed with rage and I shot a look at Jasper, who was already working on calming him down. Thank goodness for Jasper. Without him, I was sure Jacob would have already phased. He bought us some time, at least.

"Bella," I said gently, "come back across now. He's obviously not going to help."

She turned to me, her face still red and angry. "I'm not finished yet!" she said. She turned back to Jacob.

"Yes, you are," I said. "He isn't going to listen."

"I'm going to _make _him listen."

But Jacob was going to make her listen, too.

"You're being so stubborn that you don't even see what an unhealthy relationship you're in!" he shouted. "How many times are you going to let the leech tell you what to do?"

"This is _not _about my relationship with Edward!" she declared. "This is about you and your inability to do anything for anyone other than yourself!"

"So you think that I should help them kidnap Frank and Joe Hardy, just to do something for someone other than me?"

"I'm saying that you're being prejudice about the decision because it's four vampires that are asking you to do it! You're not even considering that maybe this would be a help to your tribe!"

"And you're not considering the hazard that it could be! If I was to go along with this, the Hardys would be able to identify me. Unless you plan on killing them, which none of your bloodsucking buddies is allowed to, this whole plan is a complete waste of time!"

"Fine! Walk away! But once those two discover the truth about the Cullens and have to be killed because of it, their blood with be on your hands!"

"It may be on my hands, but it will be in _their _mouths! Maybe you should think about that before you decide to defend them. They're killers, Bella! It's what they were born to do. Not even you can change that."

I admit I was beginning to get angry at this werewolf, too. So were Emmett (who had been relatively quiet this entire time), Jasper (who had also been relatively quiet this entire time), and even Carlisle (who never got angry at anyone unless he was punishing us for something). Jacob was pushing our last button, and if not for the treaty, he would have been begging for his life by now.

I swallowed my anger. "Bella," I tried, "let's go. If he wants to be a jerk, let him. You don't have to put up with this."

She turned and glared at me. "No, Edward. If you want to sit by and let him put down your family, that's fine. But you're my family, too, and you're right: I don't have to put up with it."

She turned back to Jacob, and I felt completely and utterly helpless. As long as they were on the other side of the line, I couldn't do anything.

The love of my eternal life turned back to Jacob. "You know what, Jacob? The whole point of your existence is to kill _them_. The Cullens care more about human lives than other humans do. If you can classify them as murderers, you better be good and ready to add yourself to that list."

Jacob was fuming now, and he looked a few mean words away from phasing. I was ready to cross the line and break the treaty when a new voice joined us.

"What's going on here?" Sam, the alpha of Jacob's pack, asked.

We all turned. All of us had been so focused on the argument that we hadn't even noticed him approaching. I never thought I would ever be so happy to see that werewolf.

He turned to Jacob. "Well?"

Jacob shot a glare at us before explaining. "Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle, and Edward came up with some scheme to pull a kidnapping job on a couple detectives. They want me to help."

Sam raised his eyebrows. "Really?" he turned to us. "And why would you want to do that?"

I opened my mouth to explain but Carlisle beat me to it. "We have a problem, Sam," he said. "It seems Charlie, Bella's father, decided to hire a couple of teenage detectives to investigate Edward. It was innocent enough; he just wants to make sure Bella is safe with him. Every father would want that for their daughter. The problem now is that Frank and Joe are digging too deep; going too far back. If they keep digging, they're going to find out our secret."

Sam crossed his arms as though he was disapproving, but his thoughts betrayed him. He was really very curious about the plan.

"So we tried to get them to back off," Carlisle continued. "Last night, my boys teamed up with Jacob to sabotage them and try to scare them away. They even left a…threat. But I doubt even that will keep them away. So I developed the plan to…well, to kidnap them. As a scaring tactic only, of course."

Sam smiled slightly. "So you want us to help you kidnap the detectives."

"Yes," Jasper said. "But this will also benefit you. If we can keep them from finding our secret, then the chances of them finding your secret diminish as well."

Jacob rolled his eyes. "The same crap that they've been feeding me."

Emmett turned to him. "You want some more, mutt?" he said angrily. "Because I've had just about all I can take from you, and it's about to come right back in your face."

"I think it's an interesting idea," Sam said. "It's safe, it's clean, and it's smart. My pack and I would be happy to help in any way we can."

Jacob darkened in rage but said nothing.

Carlisle smiled. "I'm glad to hear it. Thank you, Sam."

Bella smiled at Sam, glared at Jacob, and joined us back on the vampire side.

"So," Sam said, "what's the plan?"

Carlisle, Emmett, Bella, Jasper, and I turned to look at Jacob.

He noticed and kind of half backed-up. "What?"


	8. Shedding Some Light and Frustration

**Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry! I'm trying to speed up, honest! I can't believe it's been so long…I'm REALLY super-duper sorry with five hundred million cherries on top! **

**Anyways…I think I've kept you waiting long enough, so this is the end of my author's note.**

**Disclaimer: Nope. Wait, lemme check……Nope, still don't own the Hardys or Twilight.**

Chapter 8

Shedding Some Light and Frustration

**Frank's POV**

"This is it," Joe said, reaching his hand across my face to point to the sporting goods store. "Newton's Olympic Outfitters."

I sighed and turned 'our' new Stingray into the driveway. "I know, Joe. I can read. And put your seatbelt back on; we're not stopped yet."

"I know, I know, I'm just excited," he said, completely ignoring my comment about his seatbelt.

I smiled to myself. I knew what he meant; with every move we made, I could feel us getting closer to breaking this case. We only had five days before we had to leave, but I was confident. Especially now that we had a lead to follow.

I stopped the car and Joe and I got out. As we began walking towards the entrance, a baby-faced boy about our age with blond hair walked out and straight past us.

"Hey," I said to get his attention. "Are you Mike Newton?"

He turned around without missing a beat. "Yeah, who's asking?"

I smiled and offered my hand. "Frank Hardy. This is my brother, Joe. Do you mind if we ask you a few questions?"

Mike's smile quickly faded and his eyes grew wide. "Why? Are you with the FBI? Look, guys, that program said it was perfectly legal to download that movie! I swear, guys, I deleted it as soon as I realized—"

He cut himself off when he saw our faces. "…You're not with the FBI, are you?"

"No," I said with a smile. "We're here on…unofficial detective work."

His eyebrows shot up. "Detective work? Wait…Frank and Joe? As in, _the _Frank and Joe?"

"The two and only," Joe said.

"Man, I've heard of you guys!" Mike Newton said, beaming. "You're famous! How'd that thing go in Massachusetts last week? The papers never said—"

"Mike," I cut him off.

"Yeah?"

"The questions."

"Oh, yeah, yeah. So let's hear `em."

Joe started. "How long have you known Bella Swan?"

His face dropped. "A couple years. Why? Is she in trouble?"

"That's what we're trying to figure out," I said.

Joe, of course, was not…exactly on topic. "Do you know her favourite flower? Maybe a favourite dessert? What kinds of things does she look for in a man? What are—"

"Joe!"

"Yeah Frank?"

"Focus."

"Sorry."

I sighed and decided to take over. "We're looking into Edward Cullen, and possibly his family," I explained.

Mike nodded. "It's about time. That guy creeps me out."

I decided not to ask and jumped straight to _my_ questions. "How long have you known Edward?"

"Uh…`bout five years, I think. Yeah…Must've been five years."

"What are your impressions of him?"

Mike half–smiled. "Well," he said, "Everyone in school knows that his family is…strange, to say the least. What with the interfamilial relationships and everything."

I stopped him there. "Wait a second…_interfamilial relationships_? As in…_incest_?" I grimaced at the thought.

"…Not exactly," he said. "But I don't want to get into the details or anything. It's kind of a nasty thought. All I know is that Emmett is with Rosalie and Jasper is with Alice. And now Edward is with Bella."

"That's sick!" Joe commented. I shot him a glare and he shut up.

"Moving out of that department…" I said uncomfortably. "What do you know about their genetic skin condition? Photoaquacintosis?"

Mike Newton stared at me blankly. "Genetic skin condition? _Photoaquacintosis_?" Then he erupted into laughter, leaving a very confused set of Hardy Boys.

Joe and I looked at each other, then back at the hysterical Mike, who was practically rolling on the ground with laughter.

"What's so funny?" I finally asked, failing to see the humour in anything I had said.

After another moment, Mike regained his composure and looked at us…with pity?

"Man, have they ever got you two turned around!" he informed us. "First of all, what's this talk about _photoaquacintosis_? That's the lamest name I've ever heard of! It has 'fake' written all over it! Second, the Cullen kids are _not_ related in the _least_!"

Joe and I stared at him. "Yes they are," Joe corrected. "They're biological siblings."

Mike burst into laughter again. "You can't be serious! Who told you that?"

We exchanged glances again, the same thought going through our minds: _WHAT?!_

"Edward did…" I said quietly, turning back to a still laughing Mike, who quickly turned serious when he realized just what exactly we were saying.

"Well, Edward lied. Sheesh, I thought you guys of all people would have figure out by now that the Cullen kids are all Carlisle's Foster kids. The only ones that are related are Rosalie and Jasper, and they're twins," Mike explained. "Why would they date each other if they were _actually _siblings? Yeah, they're a weird bunch, but not _that _weird."

"Right…" I said, his statements swirling around in my head, trying to put in pieces of the puzzle.

"Personally," Mike continued, leaning in to whisper, "I think they're running from something."

I was brought to attention. "Really? What?"

"I don't know, man. But last year, the entire Cullen family just _fwwp_, up and disappeared. A little before that, Bella 'fell' down a flight of stairs and almost died when she was trying to leave Forks. So I think that the Cullens are running from something, and Bella knows what it is," he said. "And I think whatever it is, it's catching up to them again."

"Huh…"

I heard a scratching beside me and glanced over to see Joe furiously taking notes, finally doing something worth-while.

I turned back to Mike. "Well, Mike, thank you for your time and cooperation. It is very much appreciated."

"It's no problem, guys. Hey, tell me how this 'unofficial case'"—he winked obviously—"turns out. And keep my Bella safe, okay?"

I nodded. "Will do."

As Joe and I walked back to the car, my brother turned to me. "What do you make of that, Frank?" he asked.

"…I don't know. It's weird; why would he lie to us about his so-called skin condition, and even about his family? It just doesn't make sense…"

"I think it makes perfect sense," Joe said. "Think about what Mike said. If the Cullens _were _on the run, it would explain the lies and different stories. And they said their house had been vandalised, right? What if the vandals were sent as a warning to them, telling them that they know where they are? And what about that warning to us? It could either be the Cullens, or whoever's after them telling us not to get involved."

I stared at him. "Wow, Joe…That is a very good point." And I wasn't just saying that. I was impressed, to say the least.

"Well, I'm not stupid," he mumbled, walking around the car to the passenger's seat.

When we were in, I decided to re-look at what Mike had told us. "Hey, Joe, can I see your notes?"

"What notes?"

"The notes you were taking when Mike told us what he thinks is going on."

"Uh…"

"Just give me your book for a sec," I said.

"Um, okay…" He handed me his notebook hesitantly.

I flipped it open and took a look at the last page used. "Uh…Joe?"

"Yeah, Frank?"

"What is _this_?" I asked.

He shifted in his seat. "A cow…"

"…A cow?"

He nodded and I sighed. "You didn't take any notes, did you?"

He shook his head.

Without a word, I handed back his notebook and started the car, silently taking back my thoughts from earlier about him doing something worth-while. The day Joe does something worth-while is the day vampires go vegetarian.

**Jacob's POV**

"I can't believe you agreed to this, Sam," I complained as he and I made our way back to the town.

"Stop complaining, Jacob," Sam said. "We're doing what is necessary."

"How can you agree with those…those…_vampires_?"

"We've helped them before. It turned out okay. Besides, it's not like they've broken the treaty."

"Not _yet_," I grumbled and Sam glared at me. I decided to drop it; a wise decision on my part. "So how are you going to break the news to the pack?"

He stopped walking and looked at me with a smile. "I'm not. _You _are."

I stared at him. "What?"

"You heard me."

"No."

"You have no choice. I already have a date scheduled with Emily. You're my second in command, so you're in charge. Besides, I don't even have a part in this little scheme of yours. It's all you."

"No," I repeated. "There is _NO WAY _you are going to get _ME_ to explain to _THEM_ why _YOU _decided to become the Cullens _LAP_ _DOG_!" Okay, so I was letting my temper get the best of me. I had a good reason.

…Sam didn't seem to think so.

"Jacob, if I remember correctly, _you _were the one who decided to get us involved in the first place. Remember last night?"

Crap. He wasn't supposed to know about that.

"No secrets from the pack, Jacob."

I sighed. "Fine. I'll tell them. But _only _because it will help keep our pack safe."

"You'll do it because I asked you to."

It was times like this that I regretted not taking the role of Alpha Male.

**Joe's POV**

"Well this sucks," I said, looking around the 'beach'.

"I told you," Frank replied matter-of-factly.

"It's _just_ rock," I complained, dragging out the sentence for added effect of my disappointment.

"I told you," he repeated. He just _had _to rub it in.

I kicked at a stone. "There's no sand, there's no girls, there aren't even any starfish!"

"I told—"

"Shut up, Frank."

He shrugged. "We could always go 'visit' the Cullens," he suggested with a smirk.

Now there's a thought. "If Emmett and Rosalie aren't really siblings, does that mean she's up for grabs?"

He slapped his forehead, obviously thinking that was a stupid question.

"Never mind," I mumbled.

Let me tell you something about the relationship between me and my brother. I say something—anything—and he thinks it's stupid. I do something—anything—and he thinks it's stupid. I _think _something—_anything_—he thinks it's stupid. I _exist_, and he thinks it's stupid. To him, I'm just a big idiot. A male dumb-blond.

"You want to know why I act stupid?" I asked Frank.

He glanced at me. "What?"

I shifted. "You heard me."

He looked away. "I assumed it was because of Iola," he said quietly.

I couldn't help but laugh my anger out. "That's the thing, Frank. You _assume. _You _predict_. You _theorize. _You never try to understand me. You never have. You think _too much_."

"And you don't think at all," he replied, again in his know-it-all attitude. He didn't even have the nerve to face me.

I felt an anger I didn't know I possessed creep up inside of me. "There you go again," I seethed. "For your information, I happen to think a _lot_. I think about that bomb all the time. I think about how this unofficial job of ours is what got her killed. You know what else I think about? I think about how if I would have stopped her from storming off that night, _I_ would be the one that died and _she _would still be alive!" I was yelling by then but Frank didn't show any signs of caring. He just walked along the shore, allowing the ocean to lap at his feet.

That tipped the scale too far for my liking. I grabbed his shoulder and turned him to face me.

"My _world_ blew up in that car-bomb, Frank!" I shouted at him. "And you don't even care!"

He pulled away from me, no emotion showing on his face. "That was a year ago, Joe," he said. "Get over it."

Without even thinking about it, I…well, I don't know what happened exactly. But Frank had gone too far now. I swung my right fist and connected with his jaw…and the next thing I knew, I was being pulled off of him by impossibly strong hands. I hadn't even realized I'd been practically killing him.

"Hey! Calm down! I don't want to have any dead bodies on this beach!" the voice behind the hands said as whoever it was peeled me off my brother.

I stood as the hands pulled me up, staring at the result of my outburst. My brother was lying on the ground, staring up at me with empty eyes. Blood ran from his nose and lip, and the left side of his face was bruised and already turning purple. But that wasn't the worst part:

I felt better, but he didn't seem to feel anything. And that made me feel awful.

I was in such a stupor that I forgot all about the hands until I saw one reach down and pull Frank up.

"Are you okay, man?" the newcomer asked, making sure Frank was steady before letting go of his shoulder.

Frank nodded, hardly looking phased behind the blood and bruises.

It was then that I actually saw who it was that came to the rescue. I could tell he was a native, with his dark skin and black hair, and I guessed that he lived on the reserve. He looked to be about twenty five with his tall muscular build, but I guessed that he was probably younger than that. He looked like a teen who worked out a lot…maybe too much.

He smiled. "Good. Man, you two were sure going at it. I was afraid someone was going to wind up dead." He looked at me. "What about you? You alright?"

I nodded solemnly. "Yeah…Yeah, I just had to, um…vent."

"Well, now that we're all done venting, do you mind if I ask what happened?" He waited with an eyebrow raised.

"Yes," I said and left it at that.

He continued to smile, and it was starting to get creepy. "That's okay. You don't have to tell me. Why would you talk to a complete stranger, anyways?"

He looked like he felt uncomfortable, but I couldn't figure out why. After all, I was the one he just had to peel off his brother. If anyone should be uncomfortable, it should have been me.

Frank moved on to introductions. "Hi. I'm Frank Hardy."

I waited for him to introduce me as well, but he didn't. "And I'm Joe," I finally said.

"I'm Jacob Black. I live here in La Push," the muscular guy said.

Something clicked in my head and I started to ask a question, but Frank beat me to it.

"Are you Bella Swan's friend?" he asked, wiping the blood from his nose onto his sleeve but otherwise completely ignoring me.

He frowned (finally). "Yeah. You know her? Does she talk about me?"

"All the time," I said, while Frank nodded without so much as glancing at me.

"Don't worry though," he said. "Most of it is good."

Jacob Black smiled again, and I got this weird feeling that it was forced. "Good." He looked around the beach. "What are you guys doing out here?"

"Oh, you know…just checking out the scenery," I replied.

"Not much to see around here."

"You got that right."

"We were actually just leaving," Frank stated, still not looking my way. He started towards the path leading away from the beach. Jacob Black and I followed a short distance behind.

"Hey, what's with him?" Jacob asked me quietly about Frank.

"He's a jerkwad," I replied without missing a beat. "An idiot who doesn't care about anything but his work."

"Brothers?"

I nodded. "What was your first clue?" I glanced over at him and noticed he wasn't smiling anymore. Instead, his expression had turned hard, as though he really did not want to be there with us. When he saw me, however, his face lit up with yet another grin. "Why do you do that?" I asked.

"Do what?" He looked at me innocently, the smile fading discreetly. But when you're a detective, you pick up on things like that.

"You keep smiling," I told him. "What is there to smile about?"

Jacob shrugged. "I guess I'm just a happy person."

_Or an aspiring actor_, I thought to myself. No need to share that little comment. I felt something odd about Jacob Black…like he was hiding something. Call me crazy, but he was starting to set a red flashy light off in my brain and a siren that screamed DANGER! DANGER!

When Jacob and I made it to the car, Frank was already on the driver's side, sticking the key into the lock.

"Well guys," Jacob said, "I guess this is where we part ways. Promise not to kill each other?"

Frank and I made no comment, but got into our car. We both slammed the doors as Jacob turned to leave and Frank stuck the key in the ignition. I watched out my window and waited for the Stingray to start up.

It didn't.

I heard Frank huff—the way he does when I've done something wrong. "Joe, what did you do to the steering wheel?"

"What?" I turned to him with confusion. Oddly enough, Frank was sitting behind the wheel of the car…except there was no wheel. The steering wheel was completely gone.

"I'm giving you thirty seconds to tell me exactly where you put the steering wheel." Frank told me impatiently. "One…two…three…"

"What makes you think I took it?" I asked.

"…Seven…eight…nine…"

"How _could _I have taken it? I was with you on the beach the whole time!" I said in my own defence.

"…Twelve…thirteen…"

"Would you _shut up_!" I shouted. "No matter how much you count, it won't magically pop into my head because I _don't _know where it is!"

Frank huffed again and continued counting. "Seventeen…eighteen…nineteen…"

"You have the only keys," I pointed out. "And the doors were both locked. There's no _way_ I could have taken the steering wheel. Why _would _I take the steering wheel?" I asked.

Frank finally seemed to consider what I was saying. He paused for a moment. "…If you didn't take it, and I have the only key…Where's the steering wheel?"

I barely had a chance to shrug before there was a tap on my window. I turned to see Jacob Black staring back at me, and I opened my door.

"Having trouble?" he asked.

"Someone took our steering wheel," I replied, climbing out and feeling a tad bit silly.

Jacob immediately began to laugh, and if I wasn't so angry at Frank, I would have laughed, too. "Your _steering wheel_?" he repeated through gasps of laughter. "Someone took your _steering wheel_? Sorry guys, but _that_ is the best idea I've ever heard of. I couldn't have done it better myself."

"What are you saying?" Frank asked suspiciously from the driver's side. He had also climbed out of the Stingray and was leaning on the car, facing us. "Did you have something to do with this?"

Jacob suddenly stopped laughing and glanced between Frank and me. "No," he said seriously, and a little too quickly. "But I've heard about this kind of thing. Car strippers, I think they're called."

Frank did not look impressed. "In Forks?"

Jacob nodded. "Started last month. They see a nice car and take what they want from it."

"Without a key?" I asked.

"They're great lock pickers."

"Why would they _only _take the steering wheel?"

Jacob shrugged. "I guess that's all they wanted. But you certainly can't drive without one." He seemed to think for a moment. "Tell you what: I'll go get some help, see if I can track down a steering wheel real quick for you. Or maybe a tow truck. There's a payphone a kilometre back," he said, gesturing with his thumb. "I have a friend who has a tow truck. I can call him. He'll be out in just a few minutes."

"Here," Frank said, pulling a small black shape out of his back pocket. "You can just use my cell phone."

"No, I don't trust those things. Never know who might be listening. I'll just walk up and use the payphone."

"We're coming with you," I said, really thinking that it should not have been a problem. Boy, was I wrong.

"No, you two are going to stay here," Jacob said, as though it was and order.

Frank and I exchanged glances, then turned back to the native. "Why?" we asked in unison.

Jacob smiled. Again. "Just in case those creeps come back for more. You don't want them to go off with your entire car, do you? I'm sure you two could handle any hoodlums that would do something like that, huh?"

Was that just me, or did he sound like he was…_mocking_ us?

"Well, I'll leave you to it then," Jacob said, turning on his heel and starting on his way at a light jog. He had disappeared around the corner of the dirt road in a matter of seconds, and I turned to Frank.

"Did he seem a little off to you?"

Frank barely acknowledged with a slight nod, and I knew what was going through his mind.

Rule number five: lame excuses and random appearances usually indicate that something is definitely up.

Okay, so we're just making up the rules as we go along. Still, we had enough experience to know when caution was required, and now was one of those times.

It suddenly grew very quiet...a little _too_ quiet. Even the birds in the trees stopped chirping. The only sounds left were mine and Frank's breathing. Other than that, the silence was deafening.

"Did someone just hit the 'mute' button to the forest?" I asked Frank, only half joking.

Frank was still as a statue, staring at the dark forest nearest to us. "Did you hear that?" he breathed.

"Uh…Frank, there's nothing _to_ hear," I replied.

"Shut up!" he hissed suddenly, then whipped around to face the other side of us. I followed his eyes.

That's when I _did_ hear something; a slight chuckle sounding from directly behind us, and we both shot around at the same time to find ourselves facing three of the _hugest_ guys I have _ever_ seen! I mean, _HUGE!_ All of them were built like professional wrestlers past their black ensemble, and not a single one could have been any shorter than six-foot-five. Past the ski masks they all wore, I could see that their skin was a dark tan colour, and all their eyes were brown.

Frank and I backed up a step, intimidated with reason, just to find ourselves bumping into three _more_; each with the same ensemble and masks.

We were surrounded.

_Six on two._

I coughed nervously. "Uh…Hi guys. What's up?"

The one closest to us chuckled again. "Lookie here, boys," he said. "We've got a couple of snoops hanging around."

"Snoops? Us? Nah," I said, trying to sound…casual. It wasn't exactly working. "We were just…"

"Hey Old Yeller, what are we gonna do with them?" one behind us asked, and I saw the guy talking to us stiffen.

"'Old Yeller'?" he asked, ice coating his voice, then added sarcastically, "Whose genius idea was that?"

"Mine," the one who had addressed him by that name said. "We have to have codenames. I'm Whitefang," he pointed to each of the others in turn, "he's Underdog, Wishbone, Benji, and Bolt. Balto went to help Lassie and Beethoven…secure everything."

"Still…Old Yeller?"

"You have to admit, that is pretty lame. I mean, you named yourselves after a whole bunch of famous _dogs_? Come on! What's with that?" I added, perhaps unwisely. I'd worry about that later. Or Frank would.

"Shut up!" Old Yeller snapped at me.

Frank nudged me in the ribs with an elbow and I reluctantly let him do the talking. "What do you want?" he asked calmly, as though dealing with a couple bullies, as opposed to six giants who could quite easily hand our butts to us.

I could practically _feel _Yeller's smirk. "You two are coming with us for a little _ride_."

The group of boys closed what little space was between us so that all possible escape routes were cut off.

I glanced at Frank, knowing we were both thinking the same thing; we had to fight our way out. We each crouched slightly, and I felt Frank's fingers tap my elbow three times. _On three_. I counted silently to myself. _One…_

…_Two…_

…_Three!_

Simultaneously, we attacked…At least, we tried to. Even though we both have amazing reflexes, somehow the dog boys seemed to know what we were doing. As we lunged towards Old Yeller, Whitefang and Underdog grabbed our arms and wrenched them backwards in one lightning fast movement. At the same time, Wishbone sprang forward and swung his iron fist into my gut while Bolt caught Frank in the chin. I felt my breath leave me as pain exploded in my midsection and I doubled over, wheezing badly.

Old Yeller simply stood there, his dark eyes untrusting and dangerous. "That was stupid," he stated simply, crossing his arms. "Now, are you two going to cooperate, or are we gonna have to do this the hard way?" The way he asked, I had a feeling that he _wanted_ to do it the hard way.

Well, who am I to disappoint?

So without really thinking about it, I hauled back and slammed my foot into Old Yeller's shin.

Now, you people have been hit in the shin before, right? Hurts like crazy, huh? So why was it that _I _was the one holding back a cry of agony while Yeller stood unfazed? As soon as my foot made contact, I felt a horrible snap in my index toe and I knew it broke. I bit my lip to keep my pain hidden, but Yeller and the other dogs laughed. Even Frank let slip a snicker and I shot a hard glare at him.

"The hard way, then," Yeller said, sounding smug.

Whitefang released me while Underdog let go of Frank, but before either of us could make a move, Old Yeller had tackled both of us to the ground…at the _same time_. While I scrambled to my feet, Yeller sat on Frank's chest and began punching him repeatedly in the face. I tackled him off of my brother, only to find myself in the exact same predicament.

Frank jumped onto Yeller's back and wrapped his arm around his throat, squeezing hard until his airway was cut off and he was forced to deal with Frank. Unfortunately, that took a total of five seconds as he easily threw him off his back and into—get this—our _car_, which was more than ten feet away! I watched in horror as my brother fell heavily to the ground and ceased movement.

Then it was just me and the dog.

Yeah…let's just say that didn't last too long.

**Just FYI: Paul is Old Yeller, Jared is Underdog, Seth is Benji, Quil is Wishbone, Embry is Whitefang, Jacob is Balto, Collin is Bolt, Leah is Lassie, and Sam is Beethoven.**

**Review please! And please don't kill me for taking so long… :(**


	9. Apologies and Some Craaaaazy Stuff

**Hey! I live! Before you yell at me, just let me explain. I ended up with a summer job that took more time than school. So fine, whatever, I'd just finish the chappie when September came. Well, turns out I was super busy all semester because of other writing I had to do for school because I took a Creative Writing course and I literally had to write like 150-200 pages of all original work in less than five months. It wasn't just this fic I couldn't work on, trust me. But I finally had a couple hours to sit down and write this chapter, which I dedicate to The-Fop-Huntress because I accidentally got her hopes up for a quick update back in July and since then have received patience, pleading, and threats (in that order) from her. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, The Hardy Boys, the Macarena, the song from that Robin Hood movie (I think it's called Men in Tights [the movie, I mean], but I'm not sure), Fish and Chips and Vinegar, or the ABCs.**

Chapter 9

Apologies and Some _Craaaaazy_ Stuff

**Edward's POV**

Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmett were close behind me, but not as close as Bella. She clung to my neck as we raced through the woods towards that old cabin on our land. That was where we'd told Sam and Jacob to meet us once it was done. That was where Frank and Joe Hardy were.

I still wasn't sure about this. I mean, if you were kidnapped, wouldn't you try really hard to find out who did it? I know _I_ would. And since they'd been investigating _me_, you can see why I had my doubts. Although I had to admit, it was creative.

Especially the second part, but we'll get to that later on.

It didn't take very long to reach our destination, even though I slowed down at the end for Bella before coming to a complete stop and letting her down. She looked dizzy.

"You okay?" I asked her with a smirk.

She blinked up at me and nodded. "Of course!" she exclaimed, taking a step.

She tripped. Big surprise there. Luckily for her, I expected it and was there to catch her.

Bella grinned sheepishly at me. "Uh…thanks," she said, her sweet-smelling blood rushing to her cheeks. I gazed into her eyes, losing myself in their brown depths, until I heard Emmett's thoughts in my head: _"Get a room."_

I turned to find him and Jasper standing there; Emmett with a smirk, and Jasper with his usual frown. Carlisle was there a second later, and noticing my glare in Emmett's direction, made the wise decision of not asking.

The scent of wet dog filled my nostrils as new thoughts entered the picture. New thoughts equals new person, and I already knew who this was.

"It's about time you showed up, leech."

It took a _lot_ of will power to not resort to violence against this mutt, but I did it for Bella. Instead, I simply turned and glared at Jacob, who gladly returned the look.

Our little contest didn't last very long, because Carlisle brought on the subject of the reason we were here in the first place. For what it's worth, I would have won. But whatever.

"How did it go?" he asked Jacob lightly.

The dog glared at me a moment longer before turning to Carlisle. "Fine. Paul and the guys took care of them."

A look of horror passed Carlisle's face. "_Took care of_?!" he repeated incredulously.

Jacob nodded. "They're unconscious in one of the rooms."

Carlisle breathed a sigh of relief.

Bella draped her arm through mine gently and I looked down at her. A devious smile touched her lips. "Let's go," she said, softly tugging my arm in the direction of the cabin.

I chuckled. "You're enjoying this _way_ too much," I teased her, following her lead towards the door.

"Wait," Jacob said, moving to stand in the doorway. I growled softly, trying _so_ hard not to punch him. He ignored me and handed Bella a black ski mask, did the same to me, and tossed three over our heads for the others.

"When you come in this door, you are not longer Bella Swan and Jasper, Edward, Emmett, and Carlisle Cullen," Jacob announced. I didn't like where this was going. He pointed to Bella first. "You're Beauty." Then to me. "Beast," he said with a smirk. "Spike." Emmett. "Angel." Jasper. His smirk grew as he looked to Carlisle. "Dracula."

Bella frowned. "That's not obvious or anything," she said sarcastically.

Jacob shrugged. "Don't blame me. It was Embry's idea. He came up with names for all of us. Paul is Old Yeller, so don't complain."

"Whatever," I growled, pushing past him and into the house. Bella followed closely, and Jasper and Emmett came in last, followed by Jacob.

I was surprised at how many people were already in the house. There were eight werewolves in total; including Embry, Paul, Jacob, Quil, Jared, Collin, Seth, and even Leah. I was kind of worried the house wouldn't hold this many people. It wasn't exactly in the best of shape.

None of the wolves had masks on, but all were wearing a completely black ensemble. After all, that's what we'd told them to wear. So naturally, that's what we also wore.

When we entered, all of them turned to us with hard expressions. Clearly—by actions _and_ thoughts—they weren't too happy to see us; even though it was _Carlisle_ who formed the whole plan in the first place. Then again, we weren't exactly jumping for joy at seeing them either.

But none of us said anything. We had to get along at least a little bit if we were going to pull this off. And you know, if you can't say anything nice, you're not supposed to say anything at all.

"How's it going, bloodsuckers?" a snide voice commented.

So much for that theory.

"Paul," Jacob warned. "_Don't _start anything."

The other native snorted and resorted to glaring at me. What's with everyone glaring at me today?

At that moment, Seth—err…Benji, as I picked up from Jacob—approached us.

"They're awake and ready for the…procedure," he informed us with a genuine smile.

Seth was the only member of the pack that didn't treat us like we were lesser beings. He was actually nice to us and didn't call us bloodsuckers, leeches, monsters, or freaks. We like Seth.

"It's about time," Jacob said with a sigh, then rose his voice slightly and addressing the entire crowd. "All right guys," he said, pulling his black ski mask over his face. "It's show-time."

**Frank's POV**

I hurt.

My head, my back, my shoulders, my neck, my face, my _feet_…everything.

The next thing I became aware of was the smell: musty and damp, with a hint of pine tree. I immediately figured we were in the woods; probably an old cabin or shed out in the middle of nowhere, where no one could hear us scream…

Pushing that thought out of my mind, I focused on trying to pull myself back to full awareness. I discovered that I couldn't move my hands from behind me or my feet, and my head was hanging towards my chest, which led me to believe I was tied to a chair. No gag though, which was a bonus. I could here hushed voices coming from somewhere obviously outside of where I was being kept, but couldn't make out any words. Lastly, I was finally able to open my eyes, though I felt that the left one was swollen and painful.

The first thing I saw was the _horrible _condition our prison was in. there were a few sections in the wall I was facing that were missing boards, rendering the forest world outside visible. My immediate thought: _creepy old cabin in the woods_. That's when I heard a soft, almost inaudible moan from behind me.

Craning my neck as far as it would go, I saw my little brother's blond head leaning to the side limply and just barely in my line of sight, as the back of his chair was directly behind mine. I couldn't see how badly he was hurt, but I had a feeling I got off easy. Knowing Joe, he probably put up a fight worthy of the World Heavyweight Championship Belt.

"Joe," I called softly, not wanting to alert our captors. "Joe, wake up."

For a few seconds he didn't move, but then a low groan escaped him and in relief I watched as his head turned and his blue eyes met mine. "Frank?" he asked slowly, his eyes focusing on me.

I nodded. "Yeah, it's me. Are you okay?"

"My toe hurts. And my head."

He groaned again and stretched his neck, discovering the fact that he was helplessly bound to a chair. "What happened? Have we been kidnapped?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, of course not. I'm sure it's perfectly normal to wake up tied to a chair in a strange place where who knows who can torture, maim, beat, and kill us because we can't do a thing about it," I said sarcastically.

"So…we _have_ been kidnapped."

"One would assume so, yes."

He shook his head exasperatedly. "We can't do _anything _anymore," he said incredulously. "Not even a trip to the worst town in the U.S can keep the psychos away."

I had to agree with him. This trip was turning out to be the weirdest, worst vacation ever.

A few minutes passed with neither of us saying a word. Finally, though, I heard Joe kind of clear his throat—you know, the way people do when they have something kind of important but awkward to say.

"Frank?" he asked.

"What?"

"I…I'm sorry. You know, about earlier."

My heart rate sped. I'd been trying not to think about it. It wasn't very often that Joe and I would fight, and I had to admit that I had sort of been the cause of this one.

"Joe, I didn't mean—"

"No, just hear me out," he interrupted. I could tell this was really important to him.

I nodded, then, remembering he couldn't see me, managed a choked, "Okay."

He took a deep breath. "You were right, Frank. It _has_ been a year. We've been through a lot in that time. I didn't think my eighteenth birthday would ever come around. But the thing is, I keep dwelling on her, on that day, thinking about how it should have been _me_."

"Joe…"

"I blamed you," he admitted suddenly, so suddenly that I was stunned to silence.

He blamed me?

"I blamed you for not letting me go to her. I blamed you for being the one who kept me from joining her. I should have _saved her. I_ should have died, and you were the one that kept me from dying with her.

"And then you just seemed to forget about her, like she never even existed. I thought you just didn't care…" His voice broke, which was strange for Joe. He never, _ever_ cried. "But you did care, didn't you, Frank?"

"Yeah," I whispered.

I wanted to say more. I wanted to tell him that what hurt more than losing Iola was that I felt like I lost him, too. I wanted to tell him that I thought if I could move on easily, maybe he could, too. I wanted to tell him that I missed his smile—his _real _smile. The one that made his blue eyes sparkle. The one that could brighten anybody's day, no matter how bad. That one that told me that, no matter how bad things were, we could always find a way out. The one that he lost when that bomb went off and he lost his world.

I wanted to tell him that I missed my baby brother.

But I knew Joe would understand me, even though I couldn't find the words.

He spoke again.

"You never forgot," he said quietly. "And I can't forget, either. I just can't let her go. I feel like if I let her go, I'll lose her completely. I—I don't want to replace Iola. I mean, sure, I dig the chicks, but none of them could compare. Not even Bella."

I nodded, even though I knew he couldn't see me. I was glad he couldn't see me. Big brothers don't cry: at least, that's what we want them to think. We have to be strong for them.

I cleared my throat. "Joe, I'm sorry too. I had no right to say those things to you." And, for what it was worth: "And I promise, little brother, I will get us out of this, no matter what it takes."

At that moment, the door to our prison creaked open and two black-clad guys walked in, seemingly in a very heated discussion about…

……

Pineapples…?

"I'm telling you, it's a tree!" the first insisted angrily.

"No, it's a vegetable!" the other declared. "Thus the _apple_."

"_Pine _is a type of _tree_!"

"_Pineapple _grows on the _ground_!"

"Trees grow _in_ the ground!"

"It's a vegetable!"

"It's a tree!"

"Vegetable!"

"Tree!"

I couldn't stand this idiocy and was about to say something, but Joe beat me to it.

"Dudes, a pineapple is a _fruit_."

The two men in ski masks stared at him a moment, one with darker skin and eyes and the other very pale.

"Who invited the elephant?"

That's when my world was sent into chaos.

The door burst open and person after person filed through the door, all dressed in identical black outfits. I counted eleven. How they all could fit in the room with me, Joe, and those two other guys already there.

But that wasn't the worst part; I thought of that after the fact. The strangest, most illogical piece of what was happening was that they were all _doing the Macarena_!

"Na nana na nana na nana nana, na nana na nana na nana nana, na nana na nana na nana nana, _HEEEEEEEEY_ MACARENA!"

The annoying, nearly wordless song blasted through the cabin, bounced off the old wood walls and echoed back until it all sounded like a big garble of noise.

A girl behind me screamed, "DRACULA!!!!!!" in the shrill pitch that you would hear in horror movies and the singing ceased. Everyone gasped exaggeratedly and pointed to one of the men in front of me, who was hissing and advancing in her direction. He rolled his mask up far enough to reveal very fake-looking fangs.

The girl, still wearing a mask, ran the a section of the wall that both Joe and I could see and cowered in the corner as…er, Dracula, approached her.

My brother and I managed to crank our necks enough to give each other a confused glance.

"What…is going on?" he asked in a more-than-freaked whisper.

I shook my head, eyes wide and head spinning. How was I supposed to know?

The girl screamed again and I heard someone say something about shiny pictures in water. Just before _Dracula_ reached her, however, the darker-skinned guy from earlier—you know, the one that was arguing about pineapples—jumped in between the two.

"Never fear, fair maiden!" he yelled dramatically, hands on hips. "Balto and his pack of marry men will protect you!"

More black-clad figures joined him, linked arms, and began kicking their legs in unison and singing, "We're men! We're men in TIGHTS! Roaming around the forest looking for fights!"

The girl clasped her hands and sighed happily. "My heroes!"

No way was this happening.

The one with fangs growled. "Oh, _really_?" he drawled in a British accent. "Spike! Angel! Beast! Let's show these mutts who the _real _stars are!"

The other pineapple guy, along with two others, joined him, each having rolled up their masks far enough to reveal equally ridiculous fangs.

At first, it seemed like the four of them would attack, um, _Balto_ and his, er, _pack_, but suddenly they put one hand on their chest and raised the other in the air and began singing a quartet of "Fish and Chips and Vinegar". And…they were _good_!

When they had finished, the _pack_ scoffed together and Balto said, "You expect me to be impressed? That's nothing! A one, a two, a one two three four—"

And they began a horrid, dog-howl-invoking version of the ABCs.

I cringed, and I imaging Joe did the same.

The…vampires…hissed and flung their hands to their ears.

"Darn!" Dracula yelled. "The horrible Howling of Doom! I should have known!"

The ear-shattering, blood-curdling, unbearable racket died down and I was pretty sure my ears were bleeding. My head ached and my eyelids felt heavy as this nonsense overwhelmed _everything_.

The pack remained in their position with hands on their hips and Balto stepped forward.

"Give up, soul-suckers."

"Never!" the 'vampires' screeched.

"Then suffer the consequences!"

And then he exploded. Black cloth went flying and in place of Balto was a giant—I'm talking GIANT!!!!—russet furred monster.

I couldn't help it: I screamed. Thankfully, Joe did too.

With a single bound of the huge wolf, the British Dracula was down, as well as the other three 'vampires'. Unfortunately, so was I. A section of the beast hit my chair when it attacked. My head slammed onto the wooden floor and stars exploded in front of my eyes.

This sent me into a blackness that made a whole lot more sense than the light, and for once I was thankful to slip into the void of unconsciousness.

**Okay, now you can yell at me.**


End file.
